It's All In How You Look At It

I've Always Wanted To Be a Calendar Girl

Could I really be a calendar girl?

Maybe!

I'm still in the running for the Hot Blogger Calendar. And this is the big voting week.

Apparently the HBC peeps suffer guilt trips like I do, so they changed the rules midstream. Now every blogger nominated even once is in the finals. So, I didn't really need all the nominations after all. But still, thank you so much for nominating me. I appreciate all the love and all the comments, and all the good vibes about this. You've given me smiles for life.

If you'd like to see me transformed into a calendar girl, please VOTE NOW!
Only one vote per person, and you'll have to scroll way down to find me.

I've got mega-steep competition too though. Not the least of which being some of my best blog buddies. So, I'll be boohoo-ing and yippee-ing at the same time if one of them wins and *sniff* I don't.

Her Inquiring Mind Wanted To Know

A long time ago Jenna asked me these questions, I'm finally getting around to answering them. Got questions for me? Let me know, I'll happily answer them... at some point in time.

Just because sometimes throughout the day, I wonder:

M&M's or jellybeans?
- Buttered Popcorn and Strawberry Cheesecake Jelly Bellies.

What color are your eyes?
- Green, conveniently.

Ice cream or cake?
- Ice cream. Ben & Jerry's Half Baked kinda has cake in it.

What flavor ice cream?
- Rocky Road is my all time favie, I also enjoy Buttered Pecan with chocolate syrup.

PC or Mac?
- PC

Favorite flower?
- Peonies and Renunculas



Favorite thing to cook for dinner?
- Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, fried okra, and cornbread... I am a southern girl, lest you forget.

Favorite fast food?
- Meh.

Mexican or Italian?
- Mexican food, Italian men.

If you'd had a girl, what would you have named her?
- Jasper Lily

Shoe size?
- 9

Favorite physical characteristic of yours?
- I like my hair, my eyes, my lips, my legs, and my boobs aren't bad.

If you could, would you take a nap every day?
- Wouldn't you?

Dog or cat? (I know you don't have either, but what kind of person are you?)
- I love cats, they are hilarious.

Favorite candy bar?
- Hmmm, it's been a really long time since I've had one. Maybe the Whatchamacallit.

Favorite colors to wear?
- Green, black, and aqua shades of blue.

Do you like to sing?
- I love to sing and I do it all the time, but you don't want to hear it. My sons even think I shouldn't sing... except bedtime songs.

Can you play any instrument?
- No. I wish I could play the harmonica though.

Do you like Bath and Body Works? What fragrances? Sweet or floral?
- No, I don't. Because all their scents are just too 'chemically' for me. The perfume I love is called Petite Cherie by Annick Goutal, but I don't have any. (note this)


Been outside the country?
- Sadly, no.

If you could go anywhere for a trip, where (outside country)?
- I would go everywhere if I could. First on my list would be Costa Rica, then South Africa, then New Zealand, then I'd have to get drunk in my homeland (Ireland).

It's Friday, and I've Got Great News!

For every person who has been concerned about how things were going, and encouraged me, and prayed for me, this is for you. For the good folks who wonder how I am coping, this one is especially for you.

On Tuesday at 4:30 pm, I walked into a law firm in downtown OKC to give them my resume (just as I had to maybe a hundred other businesses in the last two months). It was 5:05 pm when I got back home and heard a message on my machine from that firm, asking me to call back. I called Wednesday morning, they scheduled an interview for 2:00 pm that day. While sitting in that interview, they scheduled the second interview for Thursday at 9:00 am. The second interview lasted maybe 15 minutes. I came home, two hours later they called me and offered me the job. Not only did I get the job, I also got the salary I asked for.

It's now 5:40 am on Friday, and I'm getting ready for the first day on my new job.

I didn't sleep a wink last night. I couldn't, I just laid in bed thanking God because it was all I could do. He did it again! He came through, just in time. I'm so humbled by his goodness, and I'm in awe of the way he has kept me in peace throughout these two months of being unemployed. He met every need that I had.

What's even more incredible is that I will have six days worth of pay by the first of September. And that is exactly enough to pay my rent! They could have waited to have me start on Monday, but they didn't. They wanted me to start today, a Friday. That is God meeting needs, no doubt about it.

So, I'm ending this post now so I can get me and my boys ready. I have to be there at 7:45, and I'm not nervous at all. I'm a little sleepy, but I'm really excited.

The Lord is the everlasting God,
The creator of all the Earth,
He never grows weak or weary,
No one can measure the depths of His understanding,
He gives power to the weak, and strength to the powerless,
Even youth will become weak and tired,
And young men will fall in exhaustion,
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength,
They will soar high on wings like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not faint,
Isaiah 40:28-31

Seemingly Unspectacular Quirks

If you can believe this, I was just thinking the other day that it's been a really long time since I've been tagged for a meme. For a while there me and most of the bloggers I know were getting tagged right and left, and it was exhausting. My last meme was in January and I didn't exactly mince words about being annoyed by it, in fact I launched a revolt.

However, when my wonderful friend Jennifer at Just Jiff tagged me recently, I was surprisingly happy about it. A meme is the perfect thing to lift the heavy vibe that's been happening around here, and that's very welcomed right now. So, onward now to the Six Unspectacular Quirks Meme.

Six Unspectacular Quirks (says who?)

1. I'm convinced that I hear music differently than everyone else. I hear every part, every beat, every instrument, every word. I hear them individually, and then I hear them together, and I do this unconsciously most of the time. There are songs that I will listen to over and over and over, and never get tired of because the energy, and magic, and emotion I feel in them never stops amazing me. Sometimes I ask people 'do you hear that?', and most of the time they don't. I feel sadness for them.

A few of these songs are:

- Incinerate / Sonic Youth
- Natural Beauty / Neil Young
- Mr. Tambourine Man / Bob Dylan
- There Goes My Baby / The Drifters
- May This Be Love / Jimi Hendrix
- Soul Meets Body / Death Cab for Cutie
- Toes Across The Floor or Walk / Blind Melon
- Gypsy / Fleetwood Mac

2. I sleep on my stomach because I don't like the weight of blankets on my toes.

3. I find an odd sense of accomplishment in popping blackheads... on other people. I don't do it often, possibly because I don't have a boyfriend who's back I can tackle. But, the next lucky stud who lands me is in for a real treat, because I'm very gifted.

4. I really only like to do things I don't have to do. I might be jazzed about doing something, but as soon as I feel obligated then I don't want to do it.

5. I have an unbeatable memory, for pretty much everything. Except for the things like math facts, which bore me.

6. I take pictures of what I'm watching on TV.



And now, the piesta de resistance, I get to tag six poor souls and fill them with guilt if they don't do this meme. I hereby tag:

* Deb of Missives From Suburbia - because she thinks I looked hot in mom jeans.

* Jenny of Mommin' It Up! - because cleanliness is next to Godliness, and she made sure I would be clean (and shaved) by sending me a huge box full of personal hygiene products she magically happened upon.

* Carie of Our Crooked Tree - because neurotic as she may be, her quirks are nothing short of spectacular, and I love her.

* Ed aka Zoe's Dad - because he's groovy and I dig it.

* James of Daddy Shack - because if he's not quirky then no one is.

* PG of Annoyingly Boring? - one word; payback.

Get Along Little Doggies

My mom took us to the Cowboy Hall of Fame yesterday... er, um, I mean the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum. My entire life the place was called one thing, then they changed it. Sure, the new title more accurately defines the place, but this doggie can't be taught new tricks very easily. It's called the Cowboy Hall of Fame, and that's that.

We had a wonderful time. If you find yourself in OKC, this place is a must on your to-do list. Here's why...

This is the Trail of Tears statue that stands at the entrance, and it's breathtaking. If you aren't up on your American history, and don't know what the Trail of Tears is, read about it. This statue is so massive that you can lose your kids on front of it.

There is so much to see, and so much to do, but very little of it can be photographed. Museums are kinda rigid like that. I'm an outlaw though.

There's a whole separate building for kids, and my boys enjoyed the saddles. Jackson is sitting on the tiniest saddle I've ever seen. Since there wasn't a sign to explain, I speculated that this saddle was like an old school car seat. 'This is how the pioneers hauled their babies around,' I told them.

This killed me, my heart stopped and broke simultaneously. Clearly, I'm never going to be able to get away from the Teton's, even in Oklahoma.

If you don't know who Dale Evans, Roy Rogers, and Gene Autry are then I can't help you. I do wish I had that guitar though.


The highlight of the day for me was seeing the Prix de West show. The Prix de West is the most prestigious invitational art exhibit there is for western artists, but for me it was yet another trip down memory lane.

When I lived in Jackson Hole I was privileged to work for Trailside Galleries. This gallery hosts many shows for several artists showing in Prix de West. While I can't say that I know these artists, I can say that I have met them, and seeing their stunning works again just thrilled me to pieces.

I wasn't supposed to take this picture, which is why it's blurry, but I had to have proof for my blog fodder.

Don't try explaining 'blog fodder' to an elderly museum security guard though, it doesn't translate.

Cast Your Dancing Spell My Way

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Mole Woe

I almost always crop it out of pictures these days, because to me it's like a BIG BRIGHT FLASHING STROBE LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD. And I don't care for it at all.

See my mole, see what I mean? It's there, on my face, and it's round and big, and ugly. And I hate it.

I was born with this mole. It was cute and little and never bothered me until it started growing.

My mom always hated it though, and she talked me into getting it removed when I was 19. I went to see a dermatologist, and he REFUSED to remove it. He scolded me almost, he said it was a beauty mark. Then he pulled out a huge medical book and showed me god-awful pictures of keloid scars, and told me that he was sure the scar would be worse than the mole.

Mom was irritated, but appeased. This was good enough for me.

In the last few years though, my mole has been growing. It's so big now that it's all I see when I see pictures of me. So a few months ago I tried to get it removed again.

The dermatologist said the scar would be worse than the mole, and I told her I didn't care. She couldn't remove it though, because it's on my face, so she sent me to a plastic surgeon. I was feeling hope.

The plastic surgeon said he would remove it, but insurance wouldn't cover one cent of the procedure because it's not suspicious. I almost begged. 'But, it's growing' I said. He said he understood, but it was a definite no go. I cried, and he seemed compassionate. He also gave me an estimate of what it would cost to have it removed... I cried even more.

I looked at this millionaire surgeon, with big tears in my eyes, and wondered if he would remove it for free if I was a crying child in a third world country. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't.

So, if you meet me someday and see a golf ball sized mole don't be alarmed. Please don't stare. It could be worse. Like, if it had long hairs growing out of it or something.

For now though, those hairs are just growing on my chin. But, don't get me started on chin hairs, that's a whole other can of worms.

365 of love

Literary Temp Time

Last Friday I got a call from one of the temp agencies, they asked if I could work today, and of course I said yes. The lady told me it was just a one day (for now) receptionist gig, she gave me the details, I thanked her and hung up the phone. She called back a few minutes later with one final instruction:

'Bring a book' she said.

'Bring a book?' I asked. 'Yes,' she said, 'you will be bored if you don't.'

I told her that I would, but I was a little suspicious. In my brief temping tenure I have learned one thing, and that is that I am being watched. If they don't like me on my one day gig, then they won't ask me back. This temp work stuff is kinda hardcore like that.

My paranoid mind raced for reasoning, it couldn't possibly be so simple. I convinced myself that I would be judged based on the book I brought... you know, because pipe fitters and forklift drivers are such literary snobs and all.

The weekend flew by, and 6am this morning showed up before I knew it. The mad dash to get out the door on time was in full swing, but I had a feeling I was forgetting something. I got my boys in the car, and one block from home before I realized I forgot to grab a book. I had to turn around, I had to bring a book!

I've lived in this apartment for 1.5 years, but suddenly I was lost. I couldn't find a grown up book to save my life. What happened to all of my books?


Evidently all my books are still packed from my last move. This embarrassing admission can obviously be blamed on blogging... but it's pathetic nonetheless.

All I could do was reach in and grab the first book I found. The clock was ticking and I had to get on the road. Those forklifters would just have to deal.

Fortunately I didn't grab anything controversial, like The Joy of Sex, or something. I stuck my hand in a box, and pulled out A Walk in the Woods.

Since I can't be in the mountains right now, reading about a hike was a fantastic treat. Even though I was stuck in a warehouse, and the phone only rang four times, I had a great day.

I don't think anyone paid attention to my book but me, but pay attention I did.

ps. I can't believe I outed my closet.

365 of love

Rivers of Living Water

I'm sitting on the brink of a lot of good news, and it's getting exciting. I've been here before, but this time I'm going to document it.

I'm in that spot now, that spot where I've done all I can, I've reached the end of my means, and I'm totally dependant on God. This is exciting because I know that God is going to provide. I don't know how he's going to do it, but I know he will because he always has.

I can look at 2004 as a prime example of this, if nothing else. When my husband left me I had nothing. I hadn't worked in six years. I had no job, no money, no car, no furniture, and no place to live. I did have an infant and a four year old though, and I was terrified. Gradually, miraculously, and never a minute too late, God met every need I had. I look back now and see all the blessings, and it's a kind of sweetness that is so palpable it still brings me to tears. This trial I'm in is nothing compared to that, but I know he'll do it again. It's such a precious thing to know beyond a shadow of doubt that I can trust the Lord to take care of me.

He works in amazing and subtle ways. He works through people. I feel like it's important for me to note these blessings this time, and I'm going to do it here. If for no other purpose than my own record keeping, but I have a feeling that more good will come out of this than just me finding a job. And that's exciting to me too.

I know that I have readers who don't share my beliefs, and that's okay. I'm not interested in strong arming my faith onto anyone. I'm just going to tell my story, that's all.

I have always been reluctant to really share my faith, because I know that I'm obviously flawed. The biggest turnoff about Christians to the world is hypocrisy, and I understand that. I'm not perfect and never will be. I'm not the epitome of a 'good Christian girl' either... I'm just me. I'm okay with that because I understand that Gods love for me is not based on my actions, or behavior. He loves me because I'm his little girl, and he will take care of me because I love him. It's as simple as that.

This post is a preface to what the next weeks of posting will detail. The praise reports are coming kids, hold on tight because it's going to be a thrill ride.

Surviving the Heat, Okie Style.

Funny, but being back in that river bottom made me remember that Oklahoma isn't so bad after all.

Freak Out Faith

It's 10:45 on this Friday morning in Oklahoma. I sit here with my third cup of coffee, listening to Bob Dylan, and thinking that I shouldn't be yawning so much.

Yesterday I applied for four jobs. One was for general office help, and there is no doubt in my mind that I can do that job. I think they should be excited to have someone work there who has as much experience as I do. So, if I hear 'overqualified' again, I think I might burst into hysteria.

This is what my days are like right now. I peruse want ads, write cover letters, attach my resume and letters of recommendation, and press send. Then I wait. Then I call the places I already applied, and wait.

I've signed up at three employment agencies. Which means that I've taken three typing tests, and also three versions of the same Microsoft applications aptitude tests. I scored 'Excellent' on all of them at the first place, and typed 48 wpm. Same with the second, but typed 56 wpm. Then at the third I typed 60 wpm, scored above average on Word, and below average on Excel. Go figure.

I had a great job interview earlier this week, but still haven't heard anything. They said it might be two weeks.

All my bills are due again, and I'm trying hard not to freak out. The cut off notice for my cable/internet came. I know this sounds petty, all things considered, but I think that if I didn't have internet I might lose my mind. If my cable gets cut off then my boys won't be able to watch TV, which means that they will lodge themselves permanently up my butt out of boredom. It would be a different story, perhaps, if we had a yard, but we don't.

Yes, I know that internet and cable are luxuries and I shouldn't complain. I'm not complaining though, I'm just saying. If it gets cut off then it will be months before I can get it back on, and that's the real bummer. I'll have to pay the past due balance, plus a reconnection fee, plus one months service, plus another deposit... added up it's around $500. Can you say 'insane'?

I don't have any credit cards, and I've always considered that wisdom on my part. But right now I wish I could pull money out of plastic.

Jackson starts 4th grade in a few weeks. I can't believe it. Noah will be going to Pre-K, and I can't believe that either. I wish I could buy them new clothes and shoes, but they don't really need them yet so that's good. Surely by the time it gets cold I'll be able to buy them jeans.

I still know that everything is going to be okay though. At this point I'm pretty much depending on the grace of God, and when it comes right down to it, that's not so bad. All of us are dependant on God, whether we realize it or not. I'm just much more obviously dependant, and more obviously in need of help.

If one thing is for sure about my life, it's that God is going to get the glory. Maybe he keeps me so obviously dependant on him so I can talk about it, and be an example of his goodness to others? I don't know.

But, I do know that I have been in worse spots and I've never been forsaken. I have confidence that I won't be now. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and it's not for me to understand it all.

My job is to trust and believe.

Jackson, age 4

Waxing a Nostalgic Mile

This post can be blamed on having too much time on my hands, and discovering boxes of photos that I haven't seen in years. Bear with me, if you can, as I journey down a path of awkward adolescence, big hair, braces, proms, and ignorant bliss.


Little bohemian Piper, age 6. My Mom permed my hair, and then brushed it out because it didn't work.


I was desperate for a Cabbage Patch Kid. I eventually had three, but this one was my favorite because it was a preemie.


I asked for gymnastic lessons. Mom signed me up for Tae Kwon Do.


Ah, family Halloween parties. My Mom is on the left, and I'm the Air Force girl with a black eye. To this day, last minute homemade costumes are still the best.


8th grade. Oh those horrible permed, frozen stiff bangs. It pains me to see this, remembering that I passed this picture out to boys... because I thought my bangs were awesome.


At 16, the bigger the hair the better. I worshiped industrial size cans of Rave hair spray. That thing in my hair is a belt, why you ask? I don't know. I also made collages out of pictures from magazines, and hung Gap bags on my wall.

For my birthday I got a 1988 Dodge Daytona, and apparently cut-off jean shorts with Cole Haans and socks was a cool look back then.



These next two shots are of me and Marisa. Her Mom would take pictures of us reenacting pictures we saw in our Seventeen Magazines.



I remember wanting to have a great looking butt, like Marisa. However, sticking my butt out also stuck my tummy out, and I was mortified because I looked so 'fat.'

Junior Prom. Me and Kerali. Yes, I really did wear a gold sequenced spaghetti strap dress. Yes, I really did ask for a beehive hairdo... to compliment my big dangly earrings in a mod sort of way.


I went to Marisa's schools Christmas dance. I borrowed that dress from a Miss Oklahoma pageant contestant, and was darn proud of it. So much so that I put a big black poofy thing on top of my head.


Age 17, Christmas dance photo. I didn't think I would ever get my braces off, and I didn't really care. I wore them for five years, from age 14 to 19, because I refused to wear my headgear.

Halloween in high school.


This is the girl I wasn't allowed to hang out with, because she was a senior and I was a sophomore. I hung out with her all the time, and she took me to my first party.


Senior trip to the zoo. Those were the popular girls at my school, who I was friends with but would not hang out with outside of school.


My Senior Prom, 1994. My best girlfriends were Melissa and Kerali.


Melissa, Kerali, and me in Senior English class.


My Senior picture.


Graduation! I made a smiley face out of masking tape for my hat, so my family could find me.


After high school I moved in with my friend Jessica. Her dad was the rugby coach, and we went to a lot of parties at the field house. This was Halloween 1994. My hair wasn't so bad anymore, but the fact that I'm drinking Strohs probably negates that.



Looking back now, I realize that drunk guys in their late 20's are not good influences on 18 year old girls.


This is me on a motorcycle at Reggae Fest.

From all of that, I went to this...


I moved to Wyoming, and was happier than I had ever been in my life. I was still so young and naive.

My family didn't like that I stayed away so long, and they were also concerned because I hadn't gotten married yet... like most of my friends. I was feeling heavy pressure to 'straighten up' and 'settle down.' I knew I wasn't ready to get married, or settle down.

But at that same time, I met Mike. He was exactly what my family wanted for me, and I knew they would be happy. I was actually crazy about him too. I must have been, because I left Wyoming for him, and married him four months after we met.


Had I known what the next years would bring, I would not have married him.

But, then I wouldn't have had these precious babies...

Baby Jackson


Baby Noah


Of course there's more to the story, there always is.

Stumbling upon all these old pictures has made the last week very sweet, and cathartic in many ways. I don't think I hold on to the past, though some might disagree considering how much I talk about it. I think revisiting memories is good for my soul.

365 of love, With a Side of Personality

(first, thank you all, for everything. for the thoughts, words, prayers, and love. thank you. it means the world to me.)

One really fantastic thing that's happening right now is my Project 365.

Basically, I take random pictures and show them to you everyday.

I post my shots on 365 of love.

You might like seeing what I see.

Come see!

Bryan, PG, QJ, and Mishi, are my 365ing friends. I know you will love them, if you're not already.

***

Oh, I also took a fun personality test that I found on my friend Emery's blog.

It's shockingly accurate. So, I had to show it to you.

You Are An ENFP (whatever that means)

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.

You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

***

You wanna do one too?

What's Your Personality Type?

I Know He Watches Me

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.