Horoscope Accuracy

My horoscope today:

'Something weird will catch your eye today. You will find yourself attracted
to this weird thing like a magnet is attracted to a refrigerator door. They say
beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in this case it definitely is. Not
everyone is going to understand what you find so fascinating. Don't bother
trying to explain anything -- sometimes it's pointless to try to make someone
understand why you like what you like. It's a personal thing, and they'll just
have to respect that.'

If you are like me, you read your horoscope everyday. Often times it seems highly inapplicable, and other times I just know that it's spot on.

Today was a day when I took it to heart. Because, frankly, the majority of the things that I find myself attracted to could be considered, by some, to be 'weird'.

All day long I would think of something, or see something, and think 'is this the weird thing'? Is this the weird thing that I'm attracted to like a magnet?

The only thing out of the ordinary that I was attracted to today, however, was a bubble gum pink Sharpie that I found on Jason's desk. I grabbed it and said 'you are giving this to me, right?' He gave it to me. And I doodled all day long with it.

But, I couldn't allow myself to fully enjoy it, because in the back of my mind I kept thinking;

'Is this the weird thing?'

'Surely this isn't THE weird thing?!'

I didn't want my weird thing to be so mundane. When the cosmos gives such a tasty and tempting alert, you'd think it would be something of greater import. But, as it turns out... I couldn't stop thinking about how much I loved the pink Sharpie.

Sans my one fleeting thought that was leading me to paint my pinky fingernail with White-Out; indeed it does seem that my horoscope today could be translated to:

'You will be transfixed on a pink Sharpie all day.'

Thanks for the heads up stars!

What to Do

This is my boys weekend with their Dad... again. I'm actually very surprised that he has kept up with his weekends for a few months in a row... moderate consistency which could all change as early as tomorrow.

If he will continue to be moderately responsible, I will be really happy.

This consistency is leaving me with the opportunity to plan time for myself. Actual weekends to plan just for me... not planned around keeping up with rowdy boys.

Prior to now, I have spent my free weekends catching up... on sleep. I sleep, and sleep, and then come Sunday afternoon start thinking 'hey, wait a minute, this is almost over, I should have done something other than sleep.'

So, I drug myself from my comfy bed early today to get busy doing something other than sleeping.

Today, I need to:

- get the oil changed in my truck
- buy a new bra (this could take all day)
- clean my house (which should be my first priority)

Those are the need to's... I'm yawning from boredom already.

I've decided to begin planning lots of weekend trips. Traveling is what I would always rather be doing. This of course will all be dependant on the ex husband being dependable, but I'm going for it.

I'm super inspired by some of my friends who prioritize travel.

Here's my list of places to go this summer:

- California, Memorial Day weekend
- Austin
- Colorado, twice
- Alaska in August
- Ohio

Noticeably absent from this list is Wyoming. It's only been the last few months that my mind has stopped being centered around getting back to the Tetons. I'm surprisingly okay with that, and if you know me at all, you know that is a huge milestone.

What a lucky girl I am to have friends all over the country. What an idiot I would be if I didn't take advantage of it. Who needs sleep?

Choosing to Believe the Best

Here's what I know for sure:


I can choose my attitude.

My perception is my reality.

I don't have to entertain every thought that pops into my head.

The Bible says that ALL things work together for good to them that love the Lord.

In my weakness, God is strong... he picks up my slack.


I'm choosing to believe the best today. In all things. I'm going to believe that it's all good! I'm going to think about my blessings more, and be thankful for those. I'm not going to focus on my missteps. I'm letting them go. I'm going to embrace optimism.

Little bohemian Piper, age 6

This brought to you as part of my further de-stressing initiatives.

Huh?

Today, I walked into Starbucks to pick up a child support check from my
exhusband. (of 4 years)


Upon sight of me, he exclaims -

'Hey everyone, this is my ex wife!!'

He handed me a check, and I walked out.



What was that about?? He's such a jackass.

This Kid

I Need a Chill Pill

I'm not really sure why, but I've been a crazy freak show worry wart lately, and it's finally pushed me over the edge.

It's probably a result of the hectic pace of my life, and having more on my plate than I feel competent enough to deal with.

I say that, because I feel that way. But, then I step back and try to look at things from another angle, and then things don't seem nearly as big as my mind makes them seem.

Why am I amplifying things? It's like my mind would prefer to stay in strife... even though strife and worry and anxiety are things that I despise with a passion.

I forget that I have a choice. I forget that my perception will be my reality. I forget that I can change my attitude. I forget to think about what I'm thinking about.

I have a choice, even when my life seems totally mundane and routined. I have a choice on how I want to receive things, and how I want to deal with them. I can choose to receive, and choose to let go.

I'm choosing to let go of worry. I'm taking a chill pill. I'm going to let it ride.

Worry doesn't do anything but put wrinkles on my face.

Time for happy hour.

Easter Photo Ops (better late than never)

First rule at family get-togethers; put your name on your cup.


Any opportunity to show his skills... he's the only kid who can land it...
'it's easy Mom.'


I think they grew up overnight... when did these precious boys get so big?


The starting line up... there were hundreds of eggs.


Noah found eggs by the creek...


He's so cute!


'Weeeeeee!'


I think the sugar high was fading at this point... he crashed when we got home.


Easter was a wonderful day with our family! And, I love my new camera!

This Kid

Spring Has Sprung, the Grass is Ris', this is Where Piper is...

Today is Easter Sunday; I'm busy stuffing and hiding eggs, cooking food, attending church, laughing with family, and thanking God for Bliss in Bloom.

Last Easter was the day I became a blogger. I can't believe it's been a year, and I can't believe that I still remember the feeling I had as I sat hammering out my first post... but I remember every post, just like it was my first.

With this experience has come unexpected blessings. A lot of revelation, a lot of personal reflection, and it's certainly been one the most extraordinarily validating experiences I've ever had.

Blogging has also brought the most incredible and genuine people into my life... people I would never have met otherwise... people whom I consider to be the dearest of friends.

The most substantial thing that has come from blogging, however, is the transformation within me. The gradual process of zest returning back to my life. The posts that were the most painful to write have been the ones that I needed the most. The posts that I shouldn't write, the one's that I thought I might be ridiculed for, or chastised for... those are the ones that I can now count as personal milestones. I've conquered a lot of fear, I've stretched myself, I've made myself dig deep. I've gone there.

How many times have I composed and published a post, turned off my computer, and gone to bed questioning my sanity? How many times have I woken up in the morning thinking about what to say next, or thinking about a comment that touched my heart? How many times have I stopped in the course of my day to take notes for a new post? How many times have I laughed out loud, smiled so hard my cheeks hurt, cried real tears, prayed real prayers about Bliss in Bloom? All too numerous to count.

I am looking forward to my next year with an unparalleled excitement. If this first year of blogging has done all of this for me, what could the next one hold?

I hope that this next year finds me falling in love, for real, one last time. I hope this next year finds me discovering more about myself. I hope this next year brings more uncharted waters, and more adventures into deeper unknowns. I hope this next year finds me being a better Mother, a stronger woman, a better friend, and I intend to write about it all.

One thing is for certain, I'm going to continue to push myself to be as honest as possible. I'm going to speak my mind, find my peace, keep my peace, laugh at my miscalculations, count my blessings. I'm going confidently in the direction of my dreams, I am going to live the life I've imagined. Unabashedly.

Thank you dear friends, thank you for riding this roller coaster with me. Thank you for your words, which never, ever, fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your perspectives, which have actually taught me more about myself and my reality than I could ever see through my own rose colored glasses.

I'm blessed! I'm blessed to have this, I'm blessed to have you, I'm blessed to be Piper of Love... and I count it all joy.

Bliss blooms eternal.

Friday Night

My house collects little boys like old ladies collect cats. Stray children congregate here.

It's Friday night, I had a great day... and since I was in such a good mood, decided to let Jackson have a sleepover. The kid in the green... his little sister came too. She serves to entertain Noah.

Right now, I have five kids under age 10 in my house. It's two hours past bedtime. They demand food, and lots of drinks. The TV is on in the living room, the Game Cube is hot in Jackson's room, and Cars is playing on Noah's TV.

So much for a relaxing evening, but it's okay.

I needed a few photo ops, and the boys obliged.

Tomorrow we go to the skatepark, I'm taking the girl too... she'll be a Betty for the day. Plenty more photo ops I think.


In other news:

Sunday will mark Bliss in Bloom's 1st Anniversary. I'm trying to think of what to do to commemorate it. I can't believe it's been a year.

Yes, my first post was published on Easter Sunday last year.... wanna read it?

click here - it was fate.

I'm a little sad when I read it, but, I see how far I've come. What a remarkable difference in my now, and my then. I'm going to try to write about why, and what, without being boring.

I really just want to throw a big party, and invite everyone over to my house! How fun would that be?

I would make everyone bring a copy of their first post. I promise not to laugh at yours.

I got a new camera, and I'm not good at it yet.

My attempt to photoshop, without actually having photoshop.

I've been checking out 365 blogs lately, and I am so impressed with all the amazing photography talent.

Once upon a time, I was going to be a photographer. I even studied it in college.

However, I haven't had a decent camera in about a billion years.

I just got a great new camera... it was a crazy cheap, like half-off, at Target.

I had to get it.

I would have been stupid not to get it.

The only problem is I can't figure it out. Like, it does stuff and I'm not sure what's going on.


*****


Since I haven't mastered my new Kodak EasyShare V1003, 10 mega pixel, camera yet...

Here are a few blogs that get my envy for their awesome 365 work.

- 365 in Austin. Bryan is the coolest guy I've ever met... ever. He has a blue mohawk, and a beautiful red headed daughter. He's assisting Austin in staying weird.

- Annoyingly Boring? PG is decidedly not boring. He's got mad photoshopping skills, adorable children, and an eye for spotting the finer things in life.

Do me a favor and lurk these blogs, they lurk me. (I love my lurkers, teehee)

The Energy of Readiness

While my creative writing juices seem to be mildly tapped out lately, I've got this enormous amount of energy on the inside of me, bubbling, boiling, overflowing.

I'm sitting on the brink of something big. I can feel it. And I want it.

I want it BAD! But, I'm not sure what it is.

The proverbial 'it'.

The mesh of erratic thoughts that tango in my brain can leave me spinning. For the dreamer that I am, the sheer excitement of the thought of seeing a dream becoming reality, is euphoric.

I can see things that I want, finally within my reach. I can see things I've prayed for becoming a reality. The energy of this excitement has the potential to cloud my judgement.

But, what is 'it'? Is the 'it' that I'm feeling really it?

Do I have the courage to stop trying to control my destiny, and let fate take control?

Do I have the courage to stop trying to know everything... can I stop needing all the answers and let mystery be magical?

That is what I want. I want to be overtaken with magical mystery, and live content in the sublime unknown. I want to not feel like I have to control anything... because my favorite thing in the whole world is a good surprise. If I have all the answers, then there are no surprises. When my life is void of surprises, I get bored and antsy. And I know this. Yet, I still feel like I have to know what's next, so I can be prepared for it.

Maybe I don't really need to be prepared. Maybe I really want to be surprised.

I crave surprise.

Can I chill, peaceful, in my reality and allow myself to be surprised? That's it.

Is that the 'it'?

Monday, Monday

Monday, you came too soon! I don't really like you.

Alarm clock, I've never liked you. You woke me up with the Geico lizard voice.

Kinder gentler next time, please.

Coffee, I like you.

Rain, rain, you know I love you - but you make me want to stay in bed.

Bed, you are my favorite thing in the world right now.

Alarm clock, you just redeemed yourself. Black Betty, bam-ba-lam.

Wal-Mart at 2 am

I just got back from Wal-Mart. I can't stand going to Wal-Mart. It's like the white trash mecca, and especially on Saturday's, it's just a flurry of people who swarm en masse to stock up on all the things they can't live without. I hate being one of them, but darn if things aren't cheaper there! I could live in Target, but Target doesn't have Equate.

I abhor crowds, restriction, breathing other peoples exhaust, rickety carts, narrow isles, mayhem in the dairy section... the standard Wal-Mart scene. I thought that if I went in the middle of the night I would be free of this.

I envisioned leisurely strolls through empty rows of things I didn't know I needed until I saw. I planned to stare at the make-up and make very informed decisions based solely on my first impressions. The only thing I really needed was toilet paper.

What I didn't realize is that when the clock strikes midnight, Wal-Mart gets busier! Not with civilians, but the nighttime Wal-Mart crew and their highly efficientness.

There were boxes everywhere, on every isle! I couldn't go down most of the rows, there was no room. I said to one lady, 'so this is what happens in Wal-Mart at night', she laughed really, really loud. It was pretty cool to make her laugh. There were about 10 guys pushing the big floor buffer machines around, and a couple of doomed ladies doing lazy swipes with their mops. Mopping Wal-Mart has to be the worst job ever.

Some goth/emo kid was stocking toilet paper, and his boom box was blaring Metallica. I found this odd. But, I am in Oklahoma after all. Oklahoma is the place where punks, cowboys, and gangsta's will all show up at the same club... and not even notice how weird that is.

I turned into the Easter Bunny while I was there. Thankfully. If it weren't for Wal-Mart, I probably wouldn't know when the holiday's are. Glad I got that out of the way before the real chaos happens next weekend.

Saturday was exactly what I needed it to be. I laid in bed reading Rolling Stone for hours... drifting in and out of cat naps. I got a massage. I ate Chinese. I fiddled with my new camera. I cut my toe nails. I had a new Wal-Mart experience. All-in-all a terrific day!

Now, it's 2:18 am and I am going to sleep again.

Make With the Fast Break

I've been so deep lately, it's kinda driving me bonkers. Blissy has a migraine from thinking too hard.

I'm in this odd, heady, cosmic cycle I suppose... where all the things I think and feel are magnified x4000.

Dudes! I'm so exhausted.

Enough is enough! I'm calling time out.

The primary benefit to being divorced is having a babysitter that pays me so he can watch the kids.

Guilt free babysitting, when I can get it. I'm getting it this weekend plus two days. Hooray for Spring Break!

I've got big plans to do absolutely nothing deep. I'm going to get out of bed on Saturday, walk to the couch, and sleep the rest of the day.

I've got a little change in my pocket coming, by way of first big paycheck tomorrow... I intend to get my long overdue Target fix out of the way as well.

Should be high times.

I'm not going to indulge in anything stressful.

I'm going AWOL from reality... you don't mind do you?

Tired. Sleepy. Dreamy.

Donna Howell-Sickles

I'm so sleepy. Sleepy.

I'm so dreamy. Dreaming.

I'm so hazy. Hazy.

I'm a little lazy. I'm tired.

I hear a distant voice calling.

I'm certain. I don't know anything.

I'm crushing. Solo.

I'm broken. I need a break.

Rejuvenation?

I'm bored. Not balanced.

I'm weak. I'm strong.

I'm smarter than I am.

Tired. Sleepy. Dreamy.

What's Been On Your Mind Lately?

I've put my very last dollars into my gas tank this week. And it's only Tuesday. Every last cent has been spent on gas. Payday is about two days too far away. Why is gas so expensive?

I remember when I could fill my car up for $10.00... ah, the good ole days.

Now, I stop the pump at $50.00 and it's still not full.

What if I can't afford to drive to work?

The Great Alaskan Motivation

Piper and Bill in Yellowstone

Remember Bill? Bill is an old friend of mine, who is a NPS Ranger, currently in Alaska. We lost touch several years ago, but last fall we reconnected. Don't get excited, Bill was, and always will be, just a friend. But, he's a great friend! We've been talking about me taking a trip in August.

Suddenly August seems very close, and I'm over-the-moon excited about it!!

The mountains, the camping, the hiking, the kayaking, the fun... in ALASKA!
A dream vacation for this girl, no doubt!

The problem is that I'm not prepared, in the slightest.

I still have to buy a ticket (save money), get the time off (of my new job), arrange for my boys to be taken care of (dad or grandparents), and lose weight.

Every woman knows this feeling, of wanting/needing to lose weight before they reacquaint with someone from the past, or even go on a vacation. So, this trip, even just the thought of it, has become a great motivation for me to lose the 40lbs I need to lose.

August is five months away, I can lose 40lbs by then. Right? Right!

No worries.

Did I mention that I'll have some other friends up in Alaska too? Ryan might be there, Doug is there, and we are trying to mesh schedules to meet up... for a pseudo 10 year reunion. That's how long it's been since we were last all together. Ryan is married now, and Doug was. Bill never got married, and I'm divorced. We will have lots of stories to trade.

Meeting these old friends for some fun in Alaska, I can't wait! I'm crossing my fingers that it will work out.

Ryan, Piper, Cori, and Doug at The Mangy Moose - date: 8/15/98

If I do say so myself, these guys are cute! And, even though we are just friends, I want to look great! I put these old pictures here because they remind me of who I am, and the life I have lived.

I got a mean anonymous comment on this post, and I think that maybe some people wonder if I'm too scared to post a current picture of me. The answer is no. So, for all the people who I left wondering if I was a grotesque grossy gross with my last post about losing weight, or for any of you who wonder... this is what I look in color, and everything. Actually, this picture is old now too, my hair is longer, and I'm thinner. I just don't have lots of photos of me, I'm usually the one behind the camera... taking photos of my boys. Perhaps I'll have the nerve to get a full body photo taken, but I'm in no rush. Maybe in August!



I've had chubby cheeks my whole life!

Forgiveness

"When on the fragrant sandal tree,
The woodman's ax descends,
And she who bloomed so beauteously
Beneath the keen stroke bends,
E'en on the edge that brought her death,
Dying, she breathes her sweetest breath,
As if to token the fall
'Peace to my foes, and love to all!'

How hardly man this lesson learns,
To smile, and bless the hand that spurns;
To see that blow, and feel the pain,
But render only love again!

This spirit ne'er was given on earth;
One had it -- He of heavenly birth;
Reviled, rejected, and betrayed,
No curse He breathed, no plaint He made,
But when in death's deep pang He sighed,
Prayed for his murderers and died."

Author Unknown, Late 1800's


Lord, help me to forgive. You have promised that you are my vindicator, and that you will perfect that which concerns me. Thank you for going before me, and making my way straight. God, thank you that you are my all in all. When I feel lost, feel confused, and searching, please forgive me for not understanding that it's always You I am needing. I'm sorry for not seeking you first. You are the lover of my soul. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for forgiving me. Please bring me back to you, to the place of peace that only you can provide. Help me to remember to run to you, instead of running to my own reasoning. Thank you for all the goodness you have blessed my life with. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for your gentle nudges. Please bless me as I continue down the path you have laid out for me, and please keep me in your perfect will. Please help me to be the woman you want me to be. Please let your will for me be so clear that I can't miss it, and please help my hearts desires to be your will alone. I know you have a great life planned for me, and that life is the life I want. Thank you for your peace, which passes all understanding. Please help me to love you with my life.

Have We Met?

I'm feeling an almost overpowering need to be as real as possible. Perhaps it's one of the perks of being solidly planted in my 30's... this confidence thing. I'm not absolutely confident though. There is a whole wide world of improvements that could be made to me, and it's hard for me to get past them in my own mind sometimes.

But, what I want is to be me, unapologetically, and take in the people and experiences that come to me as a result of my honesty. That's how I want to live my life... with heaps of integrity and vigor.

What would happen if I put the real me, the real, real, real me out there? What if I stopped trying to measure up to anyones expectations (even the expectations that I perceive them to have) and was just me? I think that's freedom.

I'm not going to get into a relationship with someone who I can't be myself with again. I'm not going to try and be who my Mom expects me to be. I want real. I want real from you, and I want to give you real. The question is, can I do it all the way? Who and what might I lose?

For the most part, in every area of my life, I have conquered this. I'm out there in the real world being real. I have awesome friends, who take me as I come.

What am I holding back? Well, the fact of the matter is that I would be mortified to show a photo of me that exposes any more than what this photo does.

I was always hot before I got married, always very thin, and always got lots of attention for it. I actually resented getting all that attention, because it wasn't real. If that makes sense.

Then, life happened. I was in horrible marriage. I was so depressed. I ate because it was comforting. I ate because it was all I could do. I've had two babies, and never really lost all my pregnancy weight. I've made small attempts, and my weight has yo-yo'd a lot, but I haven't ever been really, really skinny since before I had Jackson.

I am a smokin' hot babe! (not when I look in the mirror though)

I'm not depressed, in anyway, any longer. I'm very happy actually.

For the first time, in a very long time, I'm actually really happy with who I am... based on what I think about me. That's a big accomplishment. It's all thanks to God and his graces. It's thanks to my blog. It's thanks to my blog friends. I have the cutest, happiest, coolest little boys in the whole world. I have an awesome job. Life is good. I'm HAPPY!

Now, here I am, in need of losing weight, as you can see in the reflection in my super cute sunglasses. The green dress is cute, but the camera seems to add more than 10lbs, and I can't stand to even look at myself. I can lose this weight! I just need to do it.

It's time for the outside to match the inside... once and for all.

I'm working on losing weight, it's going to happen. I've lost two sizes since that photo was taken last summer, but even still... I'm not ready to call myself a hottie yet.

Christine, Mishi, and I are losing weight together. I am launching the next month of Leap of Faith posting. Who wants to join? Grab a badge, and let me know.

We aren't going to post our weights though... like some brave guys we know.

Wow. I did it. I just announced to the entire blogosphere that I need to lose weight. I think I'll go hide in my closet now.

What Should I Write About?

I'm tired. My mind isn't thinking. I want to write. But, my creative juices aren't flowing.

Actually though, today in the middle of a compliance conference call, my mind took a vacation to Alaska! I went kayaking for a few minutes, and there was even an awesome guy paddling along side me. That was pretty cool.

Beyond that though, I'm stumped.

I love my new job, but I can't really write about it. It's really good. New career thing looking promising. Great atmosphere, great people. Almost makes me want to stay in Oklahoma... but, we all know that now I am just talking crazy.

See, I told you my brain is tired.

What should I write about now? Anything you'd like to know about me?

Thanks to all of my recent de-lurkers too! I want to tell you, I don't mind lurkers at all... I just monitor my meters heavily, and when I see someone reading for hours, and I don't know who they are, it can be a little odd. But, I'm all good with it! I love to be read!!

Thanks for reading! Now, what should I write about?

Does Your Mom Read Your Blog? Other Stalker Issues. And My Great Leap of Faith.

A big and hearty thanks to all of you for your rapid concern, and interest in my well being. Thank you for missing me when I am MIA, no really, thank you! It means so very much.

I've been wrestling with what to do about this situation, which has been ongoing for quite a while. I've decided that the best thing for me to do is write about it, and take back my power.

First, I want to say to the creepy stalker guy, you are a pervert and a loser, and you don't scare me. I am not interested in you or your trashy blog, in which you talk about women and sex like you have something to be proud of. Stay away from me, I know who you are. I've also called in the troops... I know some guys who will hunt you down, and believe me you will regret it. They are already on to you. So, just know that you are being watched! I'm not afraid to call you out if I need to, but I'm not going to give you the pleasure of having your name attached to my beautiful blog. Run away, this is your fair warning.

*exhale*

Lurkers come in all forms. Someone in Baltimore has been spending hours at a time reading this blog. I have no idea who it is. Someone in L.A. has been reading for hours too... I hope that one is a screen writer or something.

But I'd like to talk about my biggest lurker, which is my Mom.

Does your Mom read your blog? Does it freak you out, even just a little?

I've been blogging for almost a year now. I never told my Mom about my blog, but she found it. It used to bother me immensely, and it still does. It feels like she is reading my journal... however, this is an online thing, which is for public viewing, and I know that. I can't tell her not to. I know that she reads because she likes seeing pictures of my boys, and hearing the stories I tell, and yes, she's even started leaving rational comments. Yet, I still just want to scream at the top of my lungs, like a snotty teenager, 'can I not have something just for me?'

What bothers me the most is that she comes in through Google searches of my now famous moniker. That means that she is also investigating all of my other affiliations, and she can see everything I say and do. I know this, because of my sitemeter, which tells me how she comes in, and I can click to the same page she sees. Really, it's like she can eavesdrop on all the conversations I have with my friends. I don't care how cool your Mom might be, who wants their Mom having access to all of their conversations?

That's the great conundrum of this blogging world for me. I love it. I love all my blog friends... with a passion. I consider all of you to be REAL friends. I want to feel free to be myself... in good times and in bad. I want to not have to be accountable to my Mom for my grown up conversations. And I feel like she is a peeping tom, spying on me. If it was anyone else it wouldn't bother me so much, but it's my Mom.

I love my Mom. I don't want to be hateful, or disrespectful. I just wonder if she could handle the same sort of exposure anxiety? What if I left a link on my blog to her new blogs? Could she handle that? I could easily direct lots of traffic her way, and I could easily analyze all of her words... but I don't. In fact, I don't read her blog.

I don't want to tell her to not read my blog, and I never have. I just wish that she would understand how un-nerving it is to have to constantly consider what she is going to think... and the heat I may encounter if she gets upset or disapproves. It would be different if she wasn't so liberal with her judgements, and criticisms. But, she doesn't hold back. This blog is about me, and me finding me, and me creating me, and me trying to be the truest version of myself... unapologetically.

So, I suppose that what I am doing right now is saying that I am going forth, from this point on, unfettered. I'm not going to allow myself to feel like I owe her an explanation for anything. She is welcomed to keep reading.

Does your Mom read your blog? How do you feel about it? Is it uncomfortable? Does it frustrate you? Does it freak you out? I would love your insights into this, PLEASE give me your insights.

This year of blogging, and knowing that my Mom is lurking like a mad woman, has made me stronger. I've overcome a lot. I've dealt with my fears of her criticism, and judgement. And maybe all bloggers should spend their first year dealing with their Mom spying on them. It's tested my salt.

My next year, in this grand blogosphere, is going to hold big things for me. This is the time for me to call a spade a spade... call it like I see it... and not let fear hold me back. I'm nothing to be ashamed of, even to myself.

I'm going to be me! Take it, or leave it.

Here's The Deal

I haven't posted anything since last Thursday. I haven't even posted my last Leap of Faith yet.

I'm experiencing some VERY HEAVY lurking, I also seem to have a VERY CREEPY stalker now... and I'm more than a little freaked out.

I don't know what to do about this. But, the fact of the matter is that I don't feel comfortable putting any more of me 'out there' until I can figure out how to deal with this.

I love all my readers, and I don't want to lose you!! How do I deal with this? Where's Tony Soprano when I need him?