This sort of cuteness makes me feel guilty.
My youngest loves his Granny more than anything else... even Lightning McQueen.
Noah and Jackson do have the best grandma in the whole world though.
(sans my own Granny, of course)
This is the BEST thing about being in Oklahoma!!
Thanks for being such a great Granny, Mom!
I met the President of the company I work for today. He came by my cube to ask me something about something, and I didn't know who he was... he said his name, I vaguely caught it. I didn't know he was the President, but he was very nice. I told him I wasn't sure, but I would get back to him as soon as possible... he said thanks, smiled, and left.
I made some phone calls, got the info he needed, and went to his office to report back.
Standing in front of the immaculate office, with beautiful paintings on the walls... I realize he must be a big wig. I'm not sure if this is his office though, because he wasn't in there.
I turn to the woman passing by and say 'I'm looking for Dickie'
(I could have sworn that's what he said his name was)
She said 'who?'
I said 'I think this is his office... Dickie?'
Long story short...
... his name isn't Dickie.
I'm starting a new job... new career... on Monday. I'm trying to get prepared. I fiddle with all the minor details, like baby steps, I try to keep my mind busy so I won't freak out.
I stand in front of my closet and realize that I have nothing to wear.
I spent hours searching for the perfect pair of black boots to wear with the cute skirt. The cute skirt still has it's tags on it, it's been hanging in my closet since 2007 rolled out it's fall line. I couldn't find the perfect boots, and am now convinced that they don't exist... except in the September issue of Marie Claire. I have never worn the skirt because I don't have the right shoes to wear with it.
I remember this adorable blouse that used to make me feel empowered... I can't find it any where.
My clothes are the epitome of disorganized chaos. My closet is a war zone.
I buy the same white t shirt over, and over, and over.
I don't own any socks.
I am in desperate need of new undies. My bras are sad. I would rather hike the Grand Canyon in six inch heels than go shopping for either of these. Standing in a dressing room, trying on bras under florescent lights... I get flushed and splotchy. My chest breaks out in hives. I can't breath. I can't see. Anxiety attacks! I hate shopping for bras.
I needed black boots! I have nothing to wear because I don't have knee high black boots.
I'm rapidly becoming convinced that no one will notice what I am wearing anyway, on account of the ALARMING number of white hairs that I have recently found growing in my red curls. Why do I have so many white hairs all the sudden? Why are white hairs wiry, and why do they like to stick straight up like they've been electrocuted?
My lips are so dry and cracked, they hurt. I don't know how this happened either... I'm a moisturizing fool. I carry Burt's Bees with me at all times, a tube in my pocket, and a tube in my purse.
I must remember to fill my truck up with gas tomorrow, that's one ordeal I don't need on Monday morning.
How many exemptions should I claim when I fill out my W-4? I qualify for all nine.
The fastest way to get to my new job is the turnpike. I'm glad I drove it this morning on my boot expedition. They just got rid of the change machines, now I will have to carry a bag full of quarters with me. Why did they get rid of the change machines?
Gas is $3.10/gal now. Yikes.
Drive time is good for thinking. I'll consider my gas bill as paying for quiet time. That's priceless.
I hope I can get a good nights sleep on Sunday. I've been keeping odd hours the past few months. I'm going to will myself to shut off my computer by 11:00pm... I should push for 9:30, but I have to be realistic.
Why do my boys like to wake up at 5:30 am? Why do they wake me up to tell me that they are awake? They have strict orders to leave me alone until I come out of my room.
I think my power hair-do is straight. Flat-ironing takes about 45 minutes. I'll have to do some of the prep work the night before. Or, I could just wear it curly.
Should I make coffee? I've been enjoying the jolt of Full Throttle in the mornings these days. Full Throttle is frowned upon. I think it's great. I think my new diet is going to be Full Throttle and Hoodia. That's all I really need.
I'm going to a new church in the morning. I'm going with Emery. Her church is full of my kind of people. I'm going to praise God for all the blessings in my life. I'm so blessed.
It's pretty cool how Sunday comes before Monday.
This is week #4 in the Leap of Faith campaign... and it's Utterly a first! This leap is about letting you see, er hear rather, me for the first time. I'm pretty excited to bring this to you, so please try to overlook all lip smacks and mysterious background noises, grab a cool beverage, and enjoy almost seven minutes of me waxing random babble.
Be advised that I did this straight out of the box... no practice. Yes, I'm that unprofessional confident! If you don't hate it are really nice to me, then I might practice Utters more often.
Remember how I got laid off my job a few days after Christmas? Refresh your memory here. Remember my post about having a zit at a job interview? You can read it here. The interview was on January 18. It went great! The job would be ideal for me, I would have a lot to learn, but the pay would be great, and the benefits would be phenomenal.
Time went by, and I sorta just started to assume I wasn't going to get the job.
I accepted another job a few weeks ago, which would have me mostly working from home, doing sales/marketing for a website. I was very excited about this oportunity... but it turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated. Honestly, I wasn't doing a very good job. Which was not only frustrating for me, but also for my friend who hired me to help him grow his startup.
I basically forgot about the zitted interview. Then yesterday the phone rang.
They called me and offered me the position! I was surprised and accepted without hesitation.
What a blessing! Thank you God!
Two months ago I was an Advertising Executive, and now I'm going to be working for a company that develops bank software. Night and day differences, but I'm feeling really good about it. The pay is better, but the best thing is the benefits. I haven't had health insurance since my divorce, four years ago... and now I will!
I'm thrilled! I start on Monday.
Brilliant cartoon from Toothpaste for Dinner
In 1992, it was cool to look like this... horrible makeup and all.I've been tagged for another Meme... yes, this is Meme #178,982, and my third Meme this month. Fortunately, this is a Meme I've never done before... this is the Book Meme. Thank you Jennifer from Just Jiff for this tag.
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. This rule has been removed, it's the one that says I'm supposed to tag five people. I'm not going to do that.
Lucky for you, the nearest book to me is an old journal. I'm going to follow the rules, and hopefully it will be interesting.
I have kept a journal since age 7. I still have them all.
Opening the pages now... nice and slowly... finding the right page, I have to count because they aren't numbered... the right sentences... OH, it is your lucky day, this is bona fide juicy!! I'll not apologize for this, as it's my journal, and I can write whatever I want. As for posting this portion on my blog... I'm just following the rules ma'am.
'It's 2004, wow! I'm going to shave my head and go to Costa Rica!! Shaved head, cut-offs, waves, pot, bikes, water, waterfalls, trees, sex... COSTA RICA!'
Ahem, obviously this is me in a personal and dreamy realm... in complete escape mode as well. I still haven't been to Costa Rica. In 2004, at the time this was written, any place would have been better than where I was. Thank God I'm not in that frame of mind any longer... however, minus a few details, I still plan on spending at least a month in Costa Rica... alone. When my boys are teenagers and I can ship them off to their Dad because they are driving me insane.
Noah has been staying with my Mom, so he wouldn't get sick, and because I couldn't take care of him. Jackson has been sick too, but has also been left to his own devices.
Jackson removed this sign from his door, and posted it on his little brothers door. Then he booby trapped his room.
(not sure what the orange smear on the door is?)
The string is attached to Noah's bed, tied in several knots, and then tied to a rubber Cars baseball bat which is lodged between the bed and the wall.
Are you scared? It looks dangerous doesn't it?
The kicker is the Lincoln Logs, hanging in fine balance on top of the door, waiting to fall on top of Noah's head.
I'm not sure what Jackson was picturing in his head with the bat and the string, but basically, it didn't work. Given the grand design of it all though, it needed to be documented. I was unable to open the door past this point to put Noah to bed last night, so I had to cut the string. The time it took Jackson to tie 400 little knots in the string, I'm impressed. I felt bad about cutting the string. (Also, I didn't even know that we had string in the house) The Lincoln Logs did indeed fall on my head... but given the fact that I was fully prepared for it, it didn't hurt a bit. This is what happens in my house when I'm too sick to get out of bed.
Good thing I'm finally feeling better. Jackson's steady diet of granola bars, Capri Suns, Gold Fish, string cheese, and chips for four days straight is a worry at this point. Now that I'm feeling a bit better, I've got to do a colon cleanse for him
What day is it today? It's Saturday, I should have posted this yesterday. This is week #3 in the Leap of Faith Friday campaign. I've been sick... I've been knocking on death's door, I caught it from Christine. The flu is kicking my behind, and since I wasn't sitting up yesterday, I couldn't write this.
The Leap of Faith challenge is for me, Christine, and BD to take a leap of faith each Friday in February since this is leap year... something to stretch ourselves... perhaps to the outermost edges of our comfort zones.
Because I am sick, I missed a very important event today... the wedding of my wonderful cousin Shane. (Shane Hamman, Google him) I have so much admiration for him, he's a man of substantial integrity, and I am beyond sad that I couldn't attend his wedding today. But, I've been thinking all day about how amazing his love story is, and have been feeling a tug to follow his lead.
Shane met his wife on eharmony. I joined eharmony ages ago, as an act of curiosity more than anything... I went on one date, and it turned out to be a nightmare. I have never been interested in the idea of 'online dating', and that experience solidified why. More than that though, I don't like the idea of seeking out a date, call me old fashioned but I always like to think that if I'm meant to be with someone then they will find me. So far, that hasn't happened. I find myself having crushes on guys who live in other states, or crushing on 'the idea' of a guy, or a guy that isn't available... and not actually dating a man.
My Leap of Faith this week is going to be a doozy! I'm going to join eharmony, and see what happens. If nothing else, I will probably learn more about myself, and that's always a good thing.
I'm not doing this because I'm desperate to have a man, I'm doing it because I want to go on a date! I want butterflies, and I want kisses! I want a little bit of romance, and any amount of spice that could be added to my non-existent lack luster dating life would be a benefit. Perhaps I might meet someone special, but what I am hoping for is for practice on my dating skills... it's been a long time folks.
I'll keep you updated, and if this lasts longer than a week I will be very surprised. I don't like advertising for a date, or really the idea of dating a guy who is advertising for a date. But, considering Shane, I have to change my attitude about it. A good friend told me just the other day that all of life is a leap of faith... he said 'JUMP, and the Lord will catch you!' (why can't I date that guy?)
Remind me to tell you about my lone eharmony dating experience. I'm too tired to go into it now, but you really should hear it... it will destroy any faith you have in 'good ol boys.'
I wonder if one of these stud muffins is available? 
The boy keeps losing teeth, tonight he pulled the wiggliest one all by himself. Notice the blood, he is really proud of that blood.
Last week Jackson had to have a tooth pulled at the dentist, and tonight he pulled another one. Tomorrow we are going to the dentist yet again... pediatric dentistry is a racket!
There is a magazine in the waiting room that I have been enjoying. The Smithsonian special issue, from Fall 2007... '37 Under 36 - America's Young Innovators'. (it's either that or Parent magazine, and I'd rather shoot my foot with a musket than read that mind numbing crap... I'm enjoying not having babies, thank you very much) I've been reading about a 33 year old Anthropologist who spends her days scraping the last remaining unfossilized Dodo bird head to recover DNA. She gets to fly to remote locations all around the world, searching for more unfossilized Dodo bones. (*coughs loud and mutters 'waste of time'*) She knows she won't be able to clone a Dodo, and doesn't want to, yet she believes this research is of utmost import, and so does Smithsonian, apparently.
It's fascinating to read about. I can't help but think about my life, I'm almost her age. I would give anything to be able to travel the globe, and have it financed... I could think of all kinds of crazy things to look for... adventure being chief among them.
So, that's how I will spend my Valentine's Day this year. Reading about a woman searching for something dead and gone... it's a good reminder for me, if I look at it as an analogy for life. I am not going to spend my 30's looking for something that was alive in the past... I'm moving into my future with the promise of things to come.
Tonight though, I have to remember to be the Tooth Fairy... I forgot once, and found this note on my bedside table the next day...
La Jolla, 1995'When you are in doubt, be still, and wait. When doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still, be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists -- as it surely will. Then act with courage.' - White Eagle
I struggle so much with self doubt, but it's something that I am really working on turning around in my life. I've been trying to figure out how to be confident in my own decision making abilities. Trying to let go of fear, and anxiety. Trying to own my own life, for perhaps the first time in my life. Not to be a victim of life, but to confidently posses my existence. Trust myself.
I'm reading a book by Sue Patton Thoele, in it she says this;
'Making good choices is one of the most powerful ways we have to live courageously -- to be who we really are. When we choose attitudes and actions that authentically express our true selves, we are inner-directed. If we feel the need to check with everyone but ourselves before making a decision or having an opinion, we are outer-directed. (This is not my problem. I make hasty choices, and then worry if they are right, I rarely ever seek guidance beforehand. Instead, I spend the after-the-fact worrying that I made the wrong choice, or said the wrong thing... searching for validation.) We women often have trouble with this because we've been led to believe that others are wiser than we are. But no one has the blueprint for our lives but us, so it's essential that we have the courage to make our own choices (for me, the courage to be confident in my choices). Only then can we be sure that the life we are living truly exemplifies who we genuinely are. (This next part is pure gold) We need to gently persevere in believing that while not all of our choices will be perfect, if they're ours, they will be right for the process of our lives.'
What I need to do is start being still. I need to wait for peace. When I get the compulsion to move, if I sense doubt, I need to stop and wait. Be still, and act when the mists dispel. Then I can know that I made the choice that agreed with me, and even if it wasn't perfect, it was still right for the process of my life.
ps. if you are wondering why all these photos from my past are suddenly popping up on my blog, it's because I am finally able to use my scanner! Many thanks to Jason and Allen, for their heroic efforts in making my scanner compatible with Vista. I have so many photos that I love, and have long wanted to include in this blog, now I can. Yay!
I took my boys, and another kid, to a hockey game tonight. The Oklahoma City Blazers!
(I'm a big hockey fan... the Jackson Hole Moose are my favorite team. And the Av's... they're alright too.)
Our seats were the nose bleeders, and it was actually more fun watching the boys than it was the game.
Picky and the Wave
In the first fight a player got knocked smooth out, and laid on the ice for about 15 minutes... after five minutes it was scary.
Leap of Faith Friday - Goal is fearless honesty with myself. Unintentionally, the longest post in history.
Elk Island Crew, I'm 3rd from the right, and Jeremy is the long hair next to me.When I moved to the Grand Teton National Park in 1997, the first person I met was this guy named Jeremy. My first impression was, well, unimpressed. He wasn't my type, and he was standing on a log smoking a cigarette. He was cute, in a round about way, but his glasses were dirty and I thought he had funky teeth.
Jeremy showed me and Erin where our dorm room was, and he left. Erin, my roommate, said almost immediately 'he's cute, I'm going to ask him to go on a bike ride.' She walked out the door, and Jeremy and Erin dated that entire summer.
I spent that summer having fun with all the other guys, but because Jeremy was always around, he and I became friends. My impression of him never really changed, he was definitely not my type... he wasn't exactly Erin's type either. But, for her, he was convenient. She wanted a boyfriend, and I did not. He wanted a hot girl, so it worked well enough.
I moved back to Oklahoma for the winter, but returned to the park as soon as spring returned, I was never going to leave again. Erin and I had kept in touch, but she blew off Jeremy as soon as she went back to Durango. He was torn up about it, I tried to console him... let him know that it was what it was, a summer fling of convenience.
That summer Jeremy and I became the best of friends. I learned who he really was, and grew to have nothing but admiration and respect for him... but I didn't ever like him 'like that.' If there was ever a guy that I could chill with, and just be myself around, it was him. We worked together, went camping, hiking, biking, fishing... his friends were my best friends too. We were a tight knit crew, and I was very happy.
Beau & Piper (he is Jeremy's best friend too)
Liam, Piper, Jeanne, and Lane (he's since summited Everest)
Ryan & Piper (he's a dentist now, with six kids)
Liam & The Grand, I'm driving the boat.
Beau (a fishing guide now, currently in Patagonia)I also met a guy named Mike later that Summer. On paper, Mike was everything my family would want me to have. I was feeling heavy pressure to settle down and get married at the time, I was 22 after all. Jeremy never liked Mike. None of my friends liked him, but I didn't pay any attention to their cautions... I had a man who wanted to get married! This would make my family happy, so I thought I was happy.
I left Wyoming for Mike... with a heavy heart, a sick feeling in my stomach, and my head in the clouds. Mike and I got married four months after we met.
Throughout my marriage, Jeremy and I stayed in touch. Just a phone call, or two, a year. A short 'how's life' conversation, or an emailed photo of my family.
Erin and I even took a couple of trips back to go camping, we always made sure to connect with Jeremy. I was always content when I was around him, I felt safe. Safe wasn't something that was a part of my life otherwise.
Several months after my marriage ended, I left a message on Jeremy's answering machine... 'Hey Jeremy, this is Piper, remember me? I haven't talked to you in more than a year, hope you are well. Call me sometime, and tell the guys hello.' Jeremy called me a few hours later, we caught up, he said 'it sounds like you need a vacation, why don't you come up here?'
So, I took a vacation. We had the best time... more fun than I had had in years. Just before I flew home, I grabbed a paper. When I got home, I turned to the classifieds, and called about a job. Three months later, I packed up, and headed back to Wyoming... to live again. I rejoiced! I felt like I was going home, only this time I would get to raise my sons there. I would be able to raise my boys in the mountains, and give them that life. This had always been my hearts desire... to raise my sons in the mountains.
I had no intentions of dating Jeremy, or anyone. But, just a few short weeks after I moved there, at a bonfire birthday party, Jeremy got down on his knee and said 'Piper, will you be my girlfriend?' In my head I said 'WHAT?! Jeremy? Jeremy wants me to be his girlfriend, after all these years? I don't like him like that!' But, I said out of my mouth 'Okay!'
The next day I asked him if he remembered what he asked me the night before... after he was sure to be sober... he said, 'Piper, I have always liked you. I've always wanted to be with you, I finally just got the nerve to ask.' While the whole thing was extremely sweet, I was still shocked. I had never, ever, thought about Jeremy as a boyfriend. But, hey, if he really felt this way, I would be happy to give it a shot... also, since I was betting on him being too drunk to remember asking me, I thought he would surely not remember me saying 'okay.'
Jeremy & The GrandSo, we got started dating. He fell in love with Jackson and Noah, and within a few months, I caved, and fell in love with him... hard! My house was only four houses down from his. I never asked him to, but he took Jackson to Boy Scouts, and helped him with his homework every night. He doted on Noah, and took him everywhere he went. He mowed my yard, and plowed my driveway in the winter. We were together constantly... and I was happier everyday. Life was full of nothing but fun, and constant adventure.
My pretty home on Crabtree LaneI was the first girl that he took to meet his family. His parents in California, his aunt in Texas, and his grandma in Utah. We traveled to skateparks throughout Idaho and Utah with his pro skater friends. He taught Jackson to skate, and snowboard. I had never had a better relationship. I believed that I was in love, and I was sure it was right. I would have married him in an instant.
After what felt like eons of paying $1,200 rent, and struggling constantly to pay it, I started thinking about 'the next step.' Teton County is the wealthiest county in America, everything is expensive. But Jeremy owned his three bedroom house, and rented the other two rooms... so his part of the mortgage was less than half of what I was paying in rent, and he was always at my house. He was a 34 year old man with every toy under the sun... dirt bikes, mountain bikes, a boat, a four wheeler, a half pipe in his yard, a snowmobile, an awesome truck, etc. He also made more than double my salary. I was barely getting by financially, and he was shelling out two grand for another toy.
Can you blame him for spending all his time at my house?
Five Star LuxuryI got frustrated one night, gathered my nerve, and asked Jeremy to tell me what his plans were for our future. He said that he hadn't ever thought about it. That he didn't think about the future, he lived in the moment, and was perfectly happy how things were. He had no plans to move his roommates out, and he definitely wasn't interested in even thinking about marriage. He was comfortable. He also said that he was getting tired of the 'responsibility' that came with my boys. He said that he loved them, but he thought I needed to buck up and find a job making more money.
After the shock of these statements wore off, I got mad. Being mad changed my thought process, and I realized that he didn't really love me. I was convenient, just as he had been convenient for Erin. He was a responsible guy, raised in a good family, so the time and attention he gave to Jackson and Noah was just him 'doing the right thing.'
About this same time my Mom was getting sick. She was not well, and I started feeling like I should be closer to her. I wanted my boys to be closer to her more than me.
I called my step-dad, and he rented me a moving truck. Jeremy helped me pack my stuff. I cried and sobbed, buckets of tears, I was heart broken. Jeremy was distraught... I was certain that with us gone, he would start reevaluating his own life. I knew he would miss us, after all, he had said more than a million times that we made his life better... he felt empty before we moved there, and I had filled a hole in his heart. We kissed goodbye, and promised to see each other again soon. We did not break up.
Once in Oklahoma, he called me often and sent me a plane ticket to come back. I went to see him five months later, and for two weeks we were a happy couple again. Then he told me that he was lonely, and missed us, but he still wasn't interested in a 'serious' relationship.
I flew back to Oklahoma realizing that Jeremy had spoiled the sacred ground of my first love... Jackson Hole. Everything about life there now included memories of Jeremy. He was the first person I met, and the last person I saw as I left. I was angry. I never loved him as much as I loved those mountains.
Jeremy called me a few weeks after I got back, and said that he was dating the girl who moved into my old house. He wasn't interested in continuing our relationship any longer... it wasn't convenient.
Scene 1
Noah making obnoxious noises in the backseat: 'Nah, nah, nee, naww, neh, nah, neeee.'
Jackson to Noah: 'Stop!'
Noah to Jackson: 'Nanny nahhh neeee naww nanny noony neeee...'
Jackson to Noah: 'Duuude, stop!'
Noah to Jackson: 'Nooooooo, you stop, nannyyy noooo nahhhh'
Jackson to Noah: 'Gaaah, Noah stop doing that!'
Noah; 'Nawwww neeee noooooo'
Mom to Jackson and Noah: 'You guys both stop. This constant bickering might drive me nuts.'
Jackson to Mom: 'I think we need Dr. Phil.'
Scene 2
During dinner, the three of us are watching America's Funniest Home Videos together. The one where they name the Funniest Video of All Time. The winner was that video with the identical quadruplet babies, who are laying on their Mom laughing together... it really is the funniest one of all time. When Tom Bergeron announced that they won a quarter of a million dollars, I said 'WOW, that's awesome!' and as the grateful parents broke down in tears, I said 'Now they can send their kids to college!'
Jackson: 'Send their kids to college?'
Mom: 'Jackson, college is expensive! They have four kids. You and your brother are going to have to keep your grades up, and be good in sports, so you can get scholorships... because I can't afford to pay for your college.'
Noah: 'Mommy, when I go there, I want you to go with me. I will get hungry.'
I've been tagged by an angel for this Meme, and I cannot in good conscience turn her down. Shalene from A Proverbs 31 Woman Wannabe has tagged me for the 6 Random Things Meme. If she wasn't a wonderful friend, I wouldn't do this. I just did a Meme last week, lest you forget.
I've already done the 7 Random Things Meme, actually I've done it twice. Do you think that one of the tagee's decided to drop the 7 to 6 at some point? Like, to entice the people they tagged to do it?
Wait a minute, this concept sounds familiar!
Now hear this! I'll not be scammed into another Meme, not for at least two months! This is it.
1. This is my 275th post. I should have commemorated this milestone better than this. I didn't recognize my 200th or 250th post either.
2. Total page views, as of this moment... 23,611. I can't believe that!! Why do I not pay attention to these numbers, and see them as milestones?
3. My grandparents are the best people ever created, they raised me like I was their child. My grandma died in 2004, and my grandpa was placed in a nursing home last September. A few days after he went to the home, I had an amazing and life changing experience... and I wrote about it in One Night in a Metal Box of Love. This is the most powerful post that I have ever written, it still brings me to tears. You should read it.
4. There is a guy that I cannot stop thinking about, and it's driving me a little crazy.
5. I'm addicted to Diet Coke.
6. I'm planning a trip to Alaska in August, to go kayaking. I'm so excited that I can't see straight!
Now, I'm going to tag some people who might be irritated about it. I'm going to haunt them and guilt them into Memeing.
- Momo, have you ever done a Meme?
- Jenny from Mommin' It Up! - when's the last time you did a Meme sister!
- The Red-Headed Step-Child - you've probably done them, but I'm new to your blog... so I don't know.
- Mr. Lady - make it hot!
- Sarcastic Mom you know you are fabulous at being random!
Since so many of you have been asking, I thought I'd let you know that my boys are back to their perfectly healthy and happy selves. I can't imagine better little guys to live with either.
Thanks a million for all your well wishes, encouragement, and love! Jackson and Noah say it made them feel much better. And, it made Mom feel much better too!
And they say that Christmas is the lonliest time of year, what do they know?
I didn't do well at Christmas either, but it wasn't nearly as bad as Valentine's Day is starting to feel.
Everything in my life sails along, and I'm comfortable being insignificantly othered... until these commercials on TV, and all the decorations at the stores... it's like they are there just screaming;
'Piper, you are ALONE, nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.'
Yes! I'm single!! And I feel like I'm the only single girl alive. I am the only single girl! All of my friends have spouses... and Valentine's Day exists just to point that out to the whole world.
Last Valentine's Day, I was still dating my man who was in Wyoming, but he punked out of holiday's all together. I called in sick to work that day, because I couldn't bear sitting in the office watching everyone get flowers and balloons... everyone but me. This year, I am totally single, and still totally dreading it.
This kind of stuff makes me want to go buy several pairs of shoes that I don't need. Makes me want to paint a wall, and redecorate my bedroom. Buy several new lip glosses and nail polishes that I will never use. I feel compelled to hop on a plane and vacate. I feel compelled to tell the guy I'm crushing that I like him lots, but that is always a bad idea. I'm feeling erratic.
ps. Blogger, please fix spellcheck before I shoot you. Thanks.
I'm teaming up with my friends Christine from Chicken Fried Therapy and BusyDad of The Busy Dad Blog for TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH '08. The basic idea is that this is a leap year, and we are going to push ourselves to take some personal leaps of faith.
Christine explains;
"So each Friday in the month of February, we are going to share one LEAP OF FAITH that we’ve taken each week. A goal we’ve shelved for way too long. An idea that’s just been nagging away. Something that wrestles us out of our cozy comfort zone. You’ll have to tune in each Friday to learn the LEAP of the week. It could be singing in public. Trying a new sport. Taking a big stand with the boss. We’ll see how it unfolds. Send us your ideas. Share some of your great leaps. Take one with us."
Of course, I am the last one of us to post my first leap. I've been struggling to figure out what to do... what kind of leaps do I want to take? BD might do karaoke, and Christine may take a dance class. That sounds like so much fun, but I'm not going to do either of them.
The thing that's burning on the inside of me right now, my entire motivation, is about living my life the way I want it to be. This is the year that I'm going to start living the life that I want! Not the life I was raised to think I should have, and not the life I was handed.
This is easier said than done. But, this is my goal. If I don't start living the life I want, for me and for my boys, then I am never going to be happy. Nobody can do this for me. And, it's not something that I've done for myself very well.
Shrugging off all externally imposed 'rules' for how a single Mom is supposed to behave; I'm going to forge ahead with God as my conscience, and my hearts desires as my ambitions.
How is this going to tie in with Leap of Faith Friday? I'm going to get goal orriented. I'm going to map out this next year as one gigantic leap of faith, and go for it!! My posts will lay it all out for you, and you will, hopefully, help me stay positive and driven when I start hitting speed bumps.
This is the year that I am going to go confidently in the direction of my dreams, and live the life I've imagined. Thank you Thoreau, for your words that have been tattooed on my brain and become my motto.
