Freak Out Faith

It's 10:45 on this Friday morning in Oklahoma. I sit here with my third cup of coffee, listening to Bob Dylan, and thinking that I shouldn't be yawning so much.

Yesterday I applied for four jobs. One was for general office help, and there is no doubt in my mind that I can do that job. I think they should be excited to have someone work there who has as much experience as I do. So, if I hear 'overqualified' again, I think I might burst into hysteria.

This is what my days are like right now. I peruse want ads, write cover letters, attach my resume and letters of recommendation, and press send. Then I wait. Then I call the places I already applied, and wait.

I've signed up at three employment agencies. Which means that I've taken three typing tests, and also three versions of the same Microsoft applications aptitude tests. I scored 'Excellent' on all of them at the first place, and typed 48 wpm. Same with the second, but typed 56 wpm. Then at the third I typed 60 wpm, scored above average on Word, and below average on Excel. Go figure.

I had a great job interview earlier this week, but still haven't heard anything. They said it might be two weeks.

All my bills are due again, and I'm trying hard not to freak out. The cut off notice for my cable/internet came. I know this sounds petty, all things considered, but I think that if I didn't have internet I might lose my mind. If my cable gets cut off then my boys won't be able to watch TV, which means that they will lodge themselves permanently up my butt out of boredom. It would be a different story, perhaps, if we had a yard, but we don't.

Yes, I know that internet and cable are luxuries and I shouldn't complain. I'm not complaining though, I'm just saying. If it gets cut off then it will be months before I can get it back on, and that's the real bummer. I'll have to pay the past due balance, plus a reconnection fee, plus one months service, plus another deposit... added up it's around $500. Can you say 'insane'?

I don't have any credit cards, and I've always considered that wisdom on my part. But right now I wish I could pull money out of plastic.

Jackson starts 4th grade in a few weeks. I can't believe it. Noah will be going to Pre-K, and I can't believe that either. I wish I could buy them new clothes and shoes, but they don't really need them yet so that's good. Surely by the time it gets cold I'll be able to buy them jeans.

I still know that everything is going to be okay though. At this point I'm pretty much depending on the grace of God, and when it comes right down to it, that's not so bad. All of us are dependant on God, whether we realize it or not. I'm just much more obviously dependant, and more obviously in need of help.

If one thing is for sure about my life, it's that God is going to get the glory. Maybe he keeps me so obviously dependant on him so I can talk about it, and be an example of his goodness to others? I don't know.

But, I do know that I have been in worse spots and I've never been forsaken. I have confidence that I won't be now. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and it's not for me to understand it all.

My job is to trust and believe.

Jackson, age 4