Aside from being unemployed, and not knowing how I'm going to pay my rent, this past week has been absolutely wonderful. I'm pretty sure that there is a blessing in all of this, and having time to spend with my sons is it.
The best thing about my life is that I am a Mommy. Jackson and Noah are the reason I'm alive, they are my purpose for being. The worst thing about being a single Mom is that I'm not able to give them more of me. When I'm working I don't have time to play as much, there's a schedule and a pace to keep. I'm usually tired in the evenings, and my boys who have been in school and daycare all day are usually cranky. It's hard to make things different when the only way to keep things afloat is just to keep going.
This week has been a total reversal of all that though. I have just been Mommy, and the difference in my home and in the attitudes of my boys is obvious.
It occurred to me that it's not just me that my boys don't get to spend time with, but they also don't spend much time with each other. They are four years apart, so they aren't even in the same summer programs at daycare. When we get home in the evenings, those few hours are all the time we get together. This realization has shaken me to my core. Is it possible that we are a little family of strangers?
I have to go back to work, and I'm praying it's soon, but I'm still going to be sad when it happens. Just this one week of us three being together has made a major difference. There's a contentment that we haven't had in a long time. There's a calm. A precious calm, and I don't want it to go away.
So, rather than focusing on the sadness of all this, I'm going to call it a blessing. I'm thanking God for giving us this time together.
These sweet faces are the better than any mountain, any job, or any man.
I'm not going to write anymore of these gut wrenching posts for a while. I think I'm giving off depressing vibes, and I don't mean to. Hopefully I'll start a new job next week while my boys are at their Dads house, and I will be too busy to miss them too much.
16 comments:
I didn't get a depressing vibe. I got the sense that you were able to appreciate and make the best of a certain situation, which is what our kids need to learn from us. It's not surprising that they had a wonderful week. Good luck with the job search, but definitely keep looking for the good in things. Good things happen to good people, mostly when they least expect it.
The adoring look in their eyes says it all, they love you mom!
You are too lucky!
-MileHighDad
http://www.milehighdad.com/
Yeah! First! How sweet those faces are...
I am sure the week has been bitter sweet but beneficial for all of you. You know God has a plan for you; it just sucks when he won't let us in on it until we are at our wits end.
You are not depressing; in fact you are inspiring ☺
Those boys are sooooo precious! Glad we finally connected on cre8buzz! Please join our campaign to e-mail Oprah. We're counting on our readers to pull out all the stops for Uncle Lynn & Pop'rs! Pop'rs on Oprah--how cool would that be? I'm keeping my fingers crossed...
better than any MAN...put a sock in your mouth..
you aren't depressing. i think you have a clear view of things. but if you are feeling down, i suggest 14000 things to be happy about. it brightens my day whenever i pick it up. it's like the best part of a bedtime story. that's the feeling i get.
Beautiful, Piper. You are so good at expressing your heart in words. I love the way you see the world.
If you can't be gut wrenching here, where can you be?!!! This is the place and need I say you are loved and supported? Well.....YOU ARE.
I love that even in uncertainty you can still appreciate the good that comes in trying times. YAY for new jobs (that don't suck). :) YAY for your boys coming closer. YAY for making lemonade out of lemons and throwing the rinds in the bad guys faces and hope it gets in their eyes.
I didn't get a depressing vibe either... just the opposite, very upbeat and optimistic. Your boys are lucky to have a mom so concerned with their happiness and well being. Just remember to take care of yourself too. Good luck with the new job...
Your kids are cuter than the boys on Nick & the Disney channel. For realz! I'm glad you've had some quality time with them.
Piper, you're a REAL person with REAL problems and REAL emotions. If you're going through a tough time in your life, then you have every right to feel however you feel. You post whatever you want on your blog -- it's freedom of expression. If someone thinks its "too depressing" then they can read something else. Don't try to put on a mask and fake happiness if you aren't feeling it. This blog is for you as much as it for anyone who is smart enough to read it.
Besides, you have a TON more readers on your blog than I do on mine so you're doing something right (which is being you)!
Hang in there. I hope you find a job soon. I'd be stressed if I didn't know how I'd pay my bills too. And like you said, at least you have two beautiful boys to hang out with. :)
looking at the upside is the hardest thing. it looks like you've got that down :) you're better off than you think. keep your head up!
i'm praying for ya.
lots o' love,
b
good luck on your job and i want you both...now listen carefully....i want you both to look at pictures on barlowputz and see if those two pictures don't look an awfully lot like crooked tree, she hasn't come over for a look see yet
They have no business getting big like that.. They seem like they grew into men over night!!
And I did not get a depressed vibe from this post either.. just a proud mama. :)
Piper,
KEEP it real. Depressing is when you put on a hat you do not feel like wearing. Real is not depressing - sad maybe, but sad is okay if it is where you are.
KEEP BELIEVING
Depressing? I thought it was poignant & beautiful. Still prayin, Piper!
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