Speaking of Dreams

Last night I dreamed, no kidding, that I was at Fussy's house, and Momo was there too. And we were making biscuits to celebrate the New Year. Fussy has a beautiful kitchen. And Momo and I were making a mess with flour.

I love Fussy, and I love Momo, and they are both my friends...but I've never actually "met" either one of them in person. I'm sure that Fussy's kitchen is lovely in real life though, and if she invited me over to make biscuits, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Any dream interpreters out there?

The Man of my Dreams

A few posts ago (here), I said I would do this...I've been wrestling with the idea of calling myself out as a liar. I can't do it. So, I'm going to try to define who the man of my dreams is...even though I'm not looking for a man, and don't date much because I have a busy life and kids, and don't have time to.

Brief back story on me;

I had a very long term relationship with a boy throughout high school and after...he broke my heart big time! A few years after that, I met the guy I married. I was foolishly smitten with him instantly, and we got married too fast. We were married for almost six years...until he abandoned ship. I've been happily divorced for four years. I've had a serious relationship since then...we were together almost two years, and it seemed like he was the one.
I knew him longer than the man I married, and he was always one of my best friends. I thought he might be Mr. Right...but, he's not.

In summation, I know that I still haven't met "the one", if there is such a thing that is. I think that people come in and out of our lives, and each one for a reason. But, I also like to believe that I have a soul mate out there some where, someone who completes me. So, if there is such a thing as "the one", based on all of my learning experiences, and my hearts desires, this is a good description of him.

First of all, he adores me - inside and out, in spite of all my quirks and bouts of irrationality. He thinks I'm cool, funny, smart, and pretty; but I know the truth...he is smarter, funnier, and cooler than me. He is a man of impeccable character, integrity, and responsibility. He has to be laid back, easy going, and optimistic by nature. He is practical and down to earth, yet understands and appreciates the finer things in life. He exudes confidence, yet he's not cocky or arrogant ever. He doesn't say unkind things about people, and he is not controlling. He's not a fighter, but can and will if he needs to. He makes me laugh when I'm upset, and brings me back to reality with his smile. He takes things easy, he's not uptight at all, ever, about anything. He doesn't have fits of rage, or anger. He's generous with words, and affection. He is compassionate. He respects women, and the elderly, and children. He is very generous and fiercely loyal, like me. I have confidence in him that he will always try to do the right thing, in every situation. I can trust him, and so can everyone else. He is honest...even if to a fault. He's not lazy, but knows how to relax. He needs to be good at managing money, know how to earn it, spend it, invest it, save it...yet not be controlled by it. He needs to be ambitious, driven, and motivated...with plans for the future. He has to be athletic. He has to be a rugged outdoors man, not scared to camp in the back country or a grizzly habitat. Though he is solid as a rock, he's also spontaneous. He likes to play in rivers, go boating, and hike, and ride four wheelers, and snowmobiles. He's into extreme sports, participates, and knows how to converse about things like skate tricks, and the mechanics of a half pipe. He loves to travel, and we do it often. He can hold his own in any environment, and remains in control even when he's nervous or scared. He knows how to fix stuff. He can take care of my car, fix my computer, hook up the DVD player, and knows how to build stuff...like furniture, or a shed. He laughs easily, smiles often, tells stories, and talks about his thoughts. He and I have an almost unthinkable amount of chemistry...and he has the stamina of a pack mule. He is a super ambitious guy, but what he wants more than anything is to be with me, and share life. He loves my kids, and doesn't get freaked out by my ex husband. He is spiritual. He has a relationship with God, and respects my faith and my beliefs even though they might be different than his. He prays for me, for us.

I could go on...but that's a pretty good idea of who I'd be looking for, if I was looking...which I am not. Right now, my focus is on being the best me that I can be, the best mom that I can be. Working, and Momming, leave very little time for anything else. If, and when, this man shows up...it's not going to be because I went hunting for him. He'll find me. And if that takes a long time, it's okay...I'm happy and content being single.

Efforting

In case you have forgotten; I set December aside for posting gratitude...and nothing but. This is not as simple as I thought it would be.

So far, I've managed to post about my truck twice, Oklahoma, dudes who read my blog, Christmas, my family, an ice storm, The Office, Cre8Buzz, spaghetti, diapers, McDonalds, Drake & Josh, wild dreams, and my personal favorite...I delivered my blogging manifesto.

I'm bored with being grateful...this Pollyanna bit isn't as fulfilling as I had hoped. I want to be grumpy. But, I'm not posting it, just feeling it. I miss my boys. So, here are some pictures of them that I love...

Jackson practicing his version of a pop out. He has his own version of every trick he knows.

This was taken in Noah's "refusing to eat" phase, while I'm bringing the heat.

Naruto...look out!

Check out his socks!

The house is quiet when Lightning McQueen isn't racing the hallway...over and over, and over.

No pillow is fit for sleeping unless it's got cars on it.

Now I must snap out of any sort of pity party, and start having fun! These rugrats will be back in no time, and I will wonder why I didn't enjoy myself more. So, hears to alone time...much needed, much deserved. Being alone really is divine...

As for more gratitude posting? I've still got five more days...I intend to make it good, or better, or at least just fulfill my self imposed obligation. Then I'm done with it, no more friggin' gratitude!

All is Merry and Bright

Just a quick blip...

Christmas morning is here, and I am home alone. No presents for me, but my boys (who are with their Dad) called to tell me how good Santa was to them, Jackson got a new skateboard and Noah is in Hotwheel heaven!

I'm having coffee, and have to finish cooking. In a few hours I will be swarmed in the warmth of my family. We will eat and play, and it's going to be a great Christmas!

To all the blogoshpere, I wish you joy unspeakable, and all the love in the world!

What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas to me is about spending time with your loved ones. I can't help but think of my family. If I've never said this before, I truly believe that I have the most wonderful family in the whole world. Yes, I am quite partial. There's a lot of us, and we can cook, and eat, and play, and laugh, and celebrate with the best of them. Christmas Day will bring all 50+ of us (minus my boys) together, and I will cherish every minute of it.

I believe in something called Godly Heritage. This means that I come from an almost unbreakable lineage of people who are devout in their faith in Jesus, and also determine to live their lives as a blessing to God, by way of being a blessing to others.

If you've ever questioned why I am the way I am...why I talk about being a blessing, and make an effort to be a blessing in all things, it's because it's in my genes. I'm imperfect, completely flawed in so many ways, but I know that my desire to be a force for good is the best thing about me.

My grandpa, who raised me as his own daughter, is a retired preacher. Nearly all the men in my family, and lots of the women, are either preachers or missionaries. My late, great uncle, was a world famous missionary in Africa, who built several churches that still operate today.

The knowledge of Jesus in my life is something I was born with. While it took me time, and years, to grow in my personal relationship with Him, I can say in all honesty, I have loved the Lord all my life. This is where my strength, resilience, and love for others comes from. I know that God is real, I know this because He has proven Himself to me over and over. He has never forsaken me, and has carried me throughout my life. He blesses me, provides for me, protects me, and loves me unconditionally. Because I never had a dad growing up, I have felt Him in my life as my Heavenly Father. That unconditional love and delight that men have for their daughters...God gives that to me. And I am so grateful.

Christmas is still the celebration of Jesus' birth to me. I completely respect other faiths, and all of my friends who have different beliefs. I don't beat my Bible, and I try not to push my beliefs onto others. I only hope that my life will exemplify the goodness of God, and that others might see a glimpse of God in me. If I'm a blessing to anyone, in anyway, then to God be the glory for that.

I pray that my life, with all of it's obvious imperfections, will just go to show that Gods mercy and grace can cover anyone. All He asks is that you believe in Him, and spend some time getting to know Him...talk to Him. He will do the rest, and fill in the blanks. I couldn't exist without His covering. The peace that passes all understanding Phil 4:7 will be with you, and transform you. If you are someone who would like to prayed with, or would like me to introduce you to my God in a deeper way, please let me know.

God loves you, and He desires to have a real deal, personal relationship with you too. He can be your all-in-all...your father, your friend, your comforter, your counselor...He is everything to me.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! I have to go cook now.

Hubba, Hubba!

Here's to great men! Or, rather, the greatness that is inside of men. Being a single girl affords me the right, I think (refer to My Blogging Manifesto), to give a shout out to the endearing qualities in men that send me over the moon.

Let me tell you about my neighbor. I don't know him, or even his name, but nearly every time I take my trash out, he's there to help. Not that I need help, but he always insists...albeit after I've crossed the parking lot and am only 10 feet from the dumpster. His apartment faces the dumpster, which is about 100 feet from my apartment. No matter the weather, or time of night, he seems to be standing at attention on his porch, (beer in hand) waiting to help. After I've skidded across 90 feet of ice, he comes trotting over "you gotta let me get that for you, go back home and stay warm."

I hand him my bag of trash, thank him, and he gets to feel like a hero. I can't help but smile each time...I'm a firm believer in the die hard adage "it's the thought that counts."

Every time I enter through a door, that a kind man has taken the time to hold open for me, I feel a little special...and I always give a big smile and thanks.

Every man who has ever helped me with my car is a hero, in every sense of the word! I have had some beaters in my day, and I can recall the prayers of thankfulness sent to God himself for each man who has labored to rescue this damsel.

How about all my male blog friends? These men are the swoon worthiest gentlemen on the face of the planet!! These guys read my personal thoughts, and comment in the most poignant ways. I'm a guy's girl, as you all know, and as such, I deeply value their rational, and so thoughtful, and funny, and brilliant feedback. The fact that these men take time out of their day to read what I write, sense what I'm feeling, and go the extra mile to respond...this sends me over the moon!

The man of my dreams will have to appreciate this Bliss in Bloom. He doesn't have to understand what this is all about, but he will have to respect why it is so important to me. My dream man, whom I've yet to meet, will be so confident in my adoration and love of him, that he won't feel threatened or intimidated by these other dudes who rule my world. Do you think there is such a man?

Next post on deck will be titled, The Man of my Dreams. It will be fun to make a new list.

I'm grateful for my male blog friends, these guys are the best!!

Unintentional Office Historian

The Office is the best show ever, of all time. The writers strike is upsetting the fine balance of my sanity. I miss my show, I miss my friends. Dunder Mifflin is my happy place. Michael Scott is my mentor.

I have every episode recorded, since last February. I'm experiencing painful withdrawl. Why couldn't the writers strike in the summer? And not five weeks into a new season? Here's some quotes to jar your memory, and help keep hope alive.

Michael Scott:

- A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night, and he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain and the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5, what did you expect... lobster?"

- When I said before that I was king of forwards, you gotta understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.

- 'Hug it out, bitch.' That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out, and in doing so they just let it go, and walk away, and they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however, I have found. It doesn't translate.

- Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

- Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised.

Dwight K. Schrute:

- No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys, who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

- I don't have a lot experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.

- Let me describe the perfect date: I take her out to a nice dinner. She looks amazing. Some guy tries to hit on her... now he wants to fight- so I grab him- I throw him into the jukebox! Then the other ninja’s got a knife, he comes at me, we grapple, I turn his knife on him. Blood on the dance floor. She’s scared now. I take her home. I’m holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss... I hear something in the leaves, I flip her around, she gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time... but I knew.



Andy Bernard:

- Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But, I mean, I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acapella group, 'Here Comes Treble'.

Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work along side you today.

Dwight Schrute: Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah and nobody likes you.

Mad Love for Cre8Buzz!

I've been wanting to post about Cre8Buzz for so long. I've mentioned the 'Buzz several times loosely, but when I started out this month of gratitude posting, my first intention was to post on my gratitude for Cre8Buzz. I've tried, I have several drafts. The problem isn't that I can't think of what to say; the problem is that there is so much that I want to say. Too much to be brief and to the point. There is so much that I want to say, yet I can't find the right words. Yes, even for me, words are sometimes hard to come by.

In my mind, this Gratitude For Cre8Buzz post would be the grand supreme of all gratitude posts. This post would also turn the entire world on to the 'Buzz!! I would be specific, and pointedly direct in making it known that I have discovered my online oasis, and every soul within the world vibe web would flock to partake in the magic.

I wanted to say a short "thank you" to each real, live, person I've met, and become friends with, in the 'Buzz. I started to make a list of names, and tried to give a brief "thank you blurb of gratitude" with each one. (If I had a scanner that works with Vista, then I could show you the ridiculous list of names.)

I gave up after about 25. It's cause the people have become important in my real life...my blog life...I think they would probably say the same thing about me too. Because of the Anthill, we seem to have developed this sort of transcendent blogging bond. Which we'd all agree is equivalent to a "real world" friendship. How can I, Piper of Love, be brief and to the point with any of that??

What about the 'Buzz friends that I have, who I also consider "real" friends because of the 'Buzz...but would never have met without the 'Buzz? How can I be brief about that?

Perhaps the greatest question of all; how can I seriously, and convincingly, post on this MAD LOVE, and not seem like a freak show to anyone not familiar with Buzzlove??

Cre8Buzz is the place where Buzzlove flows like sweet cherry wine, and puts real smiles on all of our Buzztastic faces!! All of us who are in the know, know that Cre8Buzz earned a seat in the polls for the Mashable Open Web Awards. We all voted, spread the word, hoped, crossed our fingers, said prayers...every single Ant in the Anthill voted, and most of their friends voted...yet it wasn't enough. If Buzzlove equaled results, Cre8Buzz would have won by a landslide! It would have been a shut out. No question.

The reason we didn't win is because there still are not enough people who know. My mission is to make it known...make Buzzlove feel so good that it's palpable, and soon the whole world would know how great Cre8Buzz is! I challenge all of my cohorts to spread the word, get creative, and let Antman know what the 'Buzz means to you.

Leave a comment on this post, and I will deliver all of them to Antman myself. Think of this as one HUGE Thank You Card! All you have to do is sign it!!

Let's let Antman know that Buzzlove is the unintentional return of a life time! Let's let him know that Buzzlove will sustain him until we go world wide, and sweep the next Open Web Awards!!

Whatever you know how to do to spread this post around and get more signatures, please do it!! Link to this post, post about this post, and let's give Antman a Christmas present that he'll never forget...and keep a big smile on his face clean through 2008.

GO TEAM!

Reverse Mullet

Today I finally got White Lightning all squared away. White Lightning, in case you forgot, is my truck. My beat up, but in decent working condition, 1993 Pathfinder. The one that I haven't been driving since May because it doesn't have a/c. Today, I got it registered in Oklahoma, and she's going back out on the road tomorrow.

When I found out that the tag agency was going to keep my Wyoming title, I had an unforeseen little meltdown. (Read my White Lightning post to find out why.) I was instantly heart broken, I felt my Wyoming life being further ripped from my reality. And I hadn't had anytime to prep for it. I guess I was in shock or something...just jarred. Thinking about Jeremy in one gigantic, and also unforeseen, flash.

I was relieved to get my girl legal again, and stoked that it only cost half of what I thought it was going to. I knew I had to keep my head in check, get positive so I could have something to post about tonight. This grateful posting month is paying off nicely in my real world already.

This afternoon, I called my other B/F Penny, whom I call Pen Pal. She works for the same insurance company that I worked for forever...I knew she'd have some life saving words of advice. She always does.

I asked her if it was legal to keep my Teton County plate on the front, and put my Oklahoma plate on the back. (in OK you only have to have a plate on the back) After we consulted our own superior expertise, we decided that I could rock both of them!!

So, as awesomely unfortunate as this may seem, White Lightning now has a new name. She is 'party in the front', and 'business in the back'!

Just call her my Reverse Mullet. I love it!

It's also perfectly redneck...just like Oklahoma.

*****

Noah is off the wall!

Four Days 'til They are Gone

Today is Monday, on Friday my children are leaving me for nine days! They get to spend Christmas with their Dad in Denver. They are going to have such a great time, so I'm very happy for them. (that's my gratitude) Jackson and Noah are bouncing off the walls with excitement. They adore their Father, they would rather be with him than anyone. One day they will want to live with him, I just know it. It won't happen for several years, but I'm sure it will happen.

I start to feel all squishy and breakable on the inside when I think about the future. Even though I crave alone time, hardly ever get it, and have been super excited about getting time to myself...I'm starting to feel sad.

I love these little guys. They are my life!! What on earth would I do if I wasn't busy being a Mom? I can't imagine. Who would I be without my boys? I don't have any idea.

Fortunately it's only nine days. Christmas will be lonesome without them...but I'll be busy working and cooking up trouble with my friends. I'll sleep a lot, play a lot, write a lot, and hopefully all of that will keep me so busy that I don't miss them at all. Yeah right.

*****

"Kids go where there is excitement.

They stay where there is love."

*****

If you love me, like me, enjoy me, care for me, think I have cute kids, or already love Cre8Buzz...then PLEASE click this button NOW!!

VOTE FOR CRE8BUZZ

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Wildest Dreams Meme

My wonderful friend Jenna tagged me for a Random Things Meme. I've done about 500 meme's, so with this one (hoping it will be my last one for a while) I'm going to go all out! I've been looking for a good reason to do some sort of wild dream posting. Since Christmas is coming up, it seems like perfect timing. This is my Wildest Dreams Meme; sure to contain lots of juicy good randomness.

*****

Currently, I live in a very nice and spacious three bedroom apartment. I love my home and am grateful for it, but it's not mine. I rent. The noise in my complex, and the very thin walls, makes for a claustrophobic existence.

One day I will live on the side of a mountain, in a cozy cabin like this one...

We will be able to ski in and ski out of our front door. In the summer time I will have lots of dinner parties on my deck that over looks this...

On my 100 acre spread there will be lots of room to roam and play. There will be hiking, mountain biking, four wheeling and lots of wild life. There will be a river for kayaking and fishing, a creek for floating, and of course there will be a gnarly half pipe like this one...

I currently drive a beat up 1993 Nissan Pathfinder, called White Lighting, that has seen better days. One day I will have a luxurious and super hot Range Rover, like this one...


In the winter time, I will spend most of my time snowmobiling across mountain tops.

I'll have use of a Cessna Citation Encore for all my travels, because I'll have fractional ownership in NetJets. I'm a big world traveler, lots of business to tend to all across the globe. Having a jet waiting for me, at a moments notice, is imperative for keeping up with my jet setting lifestyle.

In my wildest dreams, Christmas will surprise me with these amazing gifts under my tree.

Balenciaga Motorcycle Bag

(in my signature color)

Marc Jacobs Black Multi Pocket Handbag

There will be a number of yummy blue boxes like these as well.

With bling like this inside.

I'll also be blessed with this gorgeous watch that I've been craving.

*****

While all of those things will be wonderful, and I will enjoy them immensely, they are not really remarkable in anyway compared to the actual dreams of I have of being a fearless giver. I will live that comfortable lifestyle on 10% of my income, and spend the other 90% on being a blessing.

I will bless the entire world with what the Lord has blessed me with. I will build life giving water wells in impoverished third world villages. I will feed hungry families across America. I will minister to single mothers who have lost all hope. I will invest wisely in other peoples dreams, and rejoice when they come to fruition. I will tell the world how much God loves them, and my life, when it's all said and done will be an example of God's pure and complete goodness. God is merciful, He is abundant. God's unmerited favor and anointing in my life will speak for itself. Nothing that I attain will be a reflection on me, or what I deserve. I am just a girl with big dreams. God will get all the glory, praise, and honor, for everything that enters and exits my hands.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him."

1 Corinthians 2:9

I'll wrap up this Wildest Dreams Meme with some encouragement to you. Dream big! If you don't dream it, it is certain that you will never do it. If you don't start, it's certain that you will never arrive. God is a big God. He has instilled each of us with imaginations for a reason. God delights in blessing those who love Him, and He knows the desires of our hearts...because He put them there. There is a calling on all of our lives. It's not our strength or abilities that God is looking for, he is looking for open and willing hearts that are available to be used for his glory. God uses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound the wise. (Click here for an old post about this.)

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

- Albert Einstein

And one last quote for good measure!

*****

"Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember - the only taste of success that some people have is when they take a bite out of you."

- Zig Ziglar

Diaper Days

I'm sick. Full on sick. I thought it was a cold yesterday, but now my neck hurts and my throat feels like it's swollen shut. I've almost lost my voice, my head is pounding, my eyeballs hurt. I'm coughing up the fun green variety of phlegm. They didn't want me at work, so I've been sleeping most of the day...sickness is a good excuse to veg on the couch.

I woke up this afternoon for a while and caught a bit of Oprah. Today's show featured a woman who claims to have deciphered the language of babies, and she knows what each coo, eh, and whaa means. The stage was set with several Mom's sitting in rocking chairs holding their infants. The Mom's all looked the same...EXHAUSTED! The babies were precious though, the baby smell was so sweet that for a brief mili-second I think I even thought "I want one." The baby whisperer schooled these Mom's and all the babies got their needs met super-fast, and the Mom's felt empowered and relieved.

Fine, good, congrats.

All I could think to myself, while watching the haggard and spent Mom's, is how thankful I am that I don't have babies anymore!

My diaper days are over! And in the middle of my sick bed, er, sick couch, I did a little victory dance. This is a milestone. I've been diapering bottoms for nearly eight years, and today I realized that it's over. I had been feeling the pangs of Baby Fever here and there. Realizing that my two boys might be all I get, and thinking that I should probably feel sad about it. But why?

I'm grateful for these new years to come now. I'm not paused in my personal life tending to babies anymore, and it is a wonderful feeling. My kids are going to be out of the house when I reach my mid-forties. Thinking of how much fun there is in store for me makes me dizzy with excitement. I'm thinking travel, travel, and more travel.

I'm done with diapers until I get grand kids, or start wearing them myself.

Picky & The Tree

Tonight, amid all the ice and intermittent power outages, I decided to take some pictures of our Christmas tree.

Did you know that I live with two boys?

Two little, all-boy, boys?

Well, I do. They are pretty fantastic, but photos never really turn out as planned. Here you'll see two super cute pictures of Noah and our tree.

Tell me which one you think I love the most.

*****

Tonight, I am thankful for warmth. For electricity, and heat. I'm thankful for my sons who love me more than I deserve, and for all the light they bring to my world. God, thank you for Noah, who is perfectly wonderful and full of love and anticipation of nothing but good. Help me to be exactly like that.

The Ice Storm

Oklahoma is in the middle of a huge ice storm. I've been without electricity for almost two whole days, on and off, mostly off. Over 400,000 people in the city are without power. Everything is covered in ice, trees and power lines are laying in the streets. Schools are closed, and even the grocery store doesn't have electricity. It's no fun, and my groceries have gone bad. My boys are so bored that they've actually started playing together without fighting. We braved Wal-Mart for flashlights and candles...they are out of all things propane and camping related. My lights are flickering even now, I'm hoping they stay on! The weather is only supposed to keep getting worse. It's been a long night and day, I took some pictures.

I love electricity!

*****

My Blogging Manifesto

I've been gradually realizing how much of an oddity I am...within the blogosphere that is. The majority of blogs I read are composed by married Mom's and Dad's. Married Mom's who home school, or SAHM's, SAHD's, or Dad bloggers who are married...you get the idea. There's a lot of blogs penned by single people too.

I've only ever met one divorced, single mom blogger, like me. (she's fantastic, her blog is too!)

I edit myself heavily...for fear of impropriety. There is so much that I wish I could talk about, but don't...because I am single. I suppose the primary reason is to protect myself, and my kids...from freaks. But, I'm not scared of that anymore. I've been in the blogging game a long time now, and I'm in it! Committed. I am feeling compelled to get real. Like, you never hear me talk about men do you? You never hear me talk about relationships, or my marriage, and how happy I am that I am divorced.

To some, it may seem that I am too liberal already. What can I say? I'm a grown woman...this blog is mine. This blog is so mine in fact, that I would wade through raw sewage in the buff rather than give it up. This baby is going to grow right along with me.

I'm launching a revolt. I'm tired of feeling censored. I'm tired of feeling like I need to please others before being true to myself.

I'm a 31 year old, divorced for four years, very single, often tired, sometimes lonely, very passionate about life and my amazing sons, MOM. I am a woman. I have lived a remarkable life. I have big dreams. I have lots of ideas. I'm silly, and I put my foot in my mouth a lot. I make mistakes. I'm humble and proud and fiercely loyal. I want to live a life of excellence. I love people, and I want to be the truest version of who God made me to be. Until I reach perfection (which will be never) I'm going be content with where I am, on the way to where I am going. I'm going to be happy. I'm not going to be ashamed of being the lone single chick anymore!

I'm awesome.

Sunday Night Spaghetti

We had an ice storm last night. I woke up today to no electricity (downed power line this time). I needed to go to the store, but couldn't because the car is frozen solid...a sheet of ice on everything. We are stuck in the house, but it's okay because of Sunday Night Spaghetti. I love the family moments that aren't technically special occasions, but end up being memorable anyway. We have spaghetti almost every Sunday night.

Recipe for Sunday Night Spaghetti:

- 1 lb. hamburger, browned
- 1 box of pasta
- 1 large can of spaghetti sauce
- Garlic bread
- Sweet tea

Mix in:

- America's Funniest Home Video's
- Lots of laughing
...and ice cream

And that's how I get priceless family time! Cheap, easy, fun, and we all go to bed feeling warm on the inside.

Piper in Beta

I had a terrible end of the week. I made a few big mistakes that held disastrous consequences. Of course, when I made those mistakes, I didn't even realize I was fumbling. I made myself two huge messes to clean up, and I didn't even see it coming. On Friday, when I was scrambling to pick up pieces, I couldn't help but question myself, trying to see how I could have made such problems. Everything turned out okay, but the stress lingered. Regrouping is the task that defines who we are. Do I hold onto the remorse and guilt, or do I try and learn something? Life presents tests, and the pass/fail is determined by the attitude we have about it. If we don't learn what we were supposed to learn the first time, we have to repeat the lesson until we get it right.

That's called growing and maturity, but it's not the easiest thing to keep a good attitude about it. I'm still being tested...and I will be until I leave the earth. That's the way it's meant to be. But the beating that my emotions and logic took left me exhausted.

The fact of the matter is that I am a work in progress. Effort and intentions aren't always recognized, and the need to be an internal validator peaks when no one seems to be on your side. Are you an internal validator? Or do you need others opinions and approval to decide if you can be proud of yourself? Can I be proud of myself for doing my best, even though it wasn't enough, and the choices I made were the wrong ones? I can be proud of myself if I keep a good attitude about it...if I sift through the noise in my head and find the truth. My challenge is to stand on the truth, and not allow the voices to discourage me.

Life seems like a crap shoot a lot of the time. There's no instructions, our paths are not clearly laid in front of us with blinking signal lights to help avoid pitfalls. The rules change, and life happens. The best I can do is move forward, one step at a time, and lean on my learning experiences for future reference. The way to remain happy in the trials of life is to brush off the anxiety and worry, and forge ahead into all the unknowns with confidence that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

It's taken me until Saturday night to come up with a post that sounded grateful. I am grateful that I have made it this far, that I've learned to be an internal validator, and that I know what NOT to do next time.

McDonald's Has Redeemed Itself!

The McDonald's by my house is a complete disaster. My order is never right, they can't understand the concept of "no onions." "Extra ice" throws a kink in the entire operation. Asking for ketchup in the drive-thru is like asking for someones paycheck. Forget about getting correct change on the first try. The 15 year old at the window is covered in zits and hickeys. The morning manager jogs to the window and asks me out...all the time. It's only because of the fact that McDonald's is at the end of my street that we ever go there. We admittedly eat there way too much.

Tonight we cruised Mickey D's for dinner. The usual scene. Jackson voiced his own complaint this time;

"They've had the same crappy toys for, like, ever. They don't even do anything."

We walked out and I felt frustrated. I don't even like McDonald's food. Bad service, crabby kids, tired Mom, yucky after taste from my salad. Why would I ever go back there?

Then, this evening, I saw this commercial, and I'm feeling so amped for a Happy Meal, I'm thinking about going right now. This is the smartest, freshest, down right coolest commercial that I have ever seen.

(do you remember that I love love love b-boys?)

Watch this! I love this kids attitude! He's me. In my head, I am this cool.

*****

"We all need a daily check up from the neck up to avoid stinkin' thinkin' which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes."

*****

In other Neck Up news:

My sons are no longer "long hairs." Noah got the scissors taken to his head yesterday . . . an event which was inspired by his own ill-fated haircut attempt.

Three Cheers for Cheerleaders!!!

That smokin' hot chick in the picture is my best friend, Marisa.

She is the best friend a girl could ever hope for. We've been B/F/F since age 13. This girl and I have history...she knows everything about me. Our lives have held remarkable similarities. She has been my sidekick through the thickest and the thinnest. Through crazy hormonal teenage years, lots and lots of boys, fights, kids, husbands, exhusbands, mama drama, and each high and low. Marisa is more like a sister to me. I admire her, I respect her, I cherish her, and a trust implicitly. She's always there for me, even when I don't seem to return the favor as well. And even now, just when I think I'm facing a horrible slap in the face by declaring that I would post on Oklahoma (and not exactly feeling inspired to) the clairvoyance of her kindred spirit steps in, and saves the day! I haven't spoken with her in weeks, it's been months since I've seen her, yet she sent me an email today that said this:

"Here is what Jeff Foxworthy says about Oklahoma, to get you in the mood of being here!!!!"

Misa (I call her Misa, she calls me Peeps) saved the day! What a perfectly timed, and extraordinarily appropriate forward! This is exactly what it's like to be in Oklahoma!

-If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma.
-If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you might live in Oklahoma.

-If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Oklahoma.

-If you find yourself at a four-way stop, and there are four cars at each stop sign, each one not moving, because each driver is waving at the other one to go first, you might live in Oklahoma.

-If you looked like us in 1990, and were totally posing like a rapper for pictures, while jamming to Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer, and pretending that you were a Fly Girl . . . you were a teenager in Oklahoma!

In another twist of fate today, one of my best blog friends Secret Agent Mama sent me a comment, quoting Oklahoma's Governor Brad Henry:

"Something called 'the Oklahoma Standard' became known throughout the world. It means resilience in the face of adversity. It means a strength and compassion that will not be defeated." -Brad Henry

That was very thoughtful of her, and also very inspiring. I can say that I do feel a sense of strength and compassion instilled in me because of some very notorious Oklahoma events.

For instance, I've never told you that I survived the infamous F5 tornado on May 3, 1999. If you are from Oklahoma, you aren't scared of tornado's until they get to your street. We have the best weather men in America, I know this because I've lived nearly everywhere. Gary England is our world famous meteorologist, and everyone sorta considers him family. He has saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives through the most insanely accurate weather information. He can tell you what time, precisely, the tornado will be on your street. Tornado's are so common place in Oklahoma; quiz any Okie, and you will find that we all know all the very technical weather and science terms, we are the smartest weather people in the world! Tornado talk rolls off of our tongues as easily as saying "Boomer Sooner!"

I also survived the bombing of the Federal Building on April 19, 1995. I worked at a law office one block away. When the bomb exploded, I was sitting at my desk opening mail. The windows in the conference room blew out, and I blew out of my chair. I walked outside, as everyone in downtown did. And I saw the building before there were any ambulances. I saw so much horror that morning that I blocked it completely out, and didn't remember half the things I remember now until many years later. Everyone was touched by this tragedy. It made us strong, and compassionate...just like that quote from our Governor.

*****

The best thing about being in Oklahoma is the people. My family, my friends, and my fellow Oklahomans. Oklahoma is full of the best people alive! I'm proud to be a part of this great heritage. Can you belive I just said that I am grateful to be an Oklahoman?! I am.

Thanks Marisa, and Mishi, for rallying to help your friend. I'll have your back anytime you need a cheerleader! And lots of love goes to all of you who read my blog, and comment. You are my cheerleaders as well, and I love you for it! Thank you for being there for me.

I'm Thankful for White Lightning

My truck is what's known as a "pass car," which means that it can climb the Teton Pass in any kind of weather, it's reliable and safe in the 500 inches of snow. White Lightning is a 1993 Nissan Pathfinder, with 4-wheel drive, big studded snow tires, and a block heater. It was affectionately named White Lightning, because it's a runner. It's not pretty, it's in pretty bad shape actually. It's got rust, several dents and dings, and no A/C. White Lightning has a lot of good qualities as well. It's got a killer sound system, and mechanically it's pretty much intact. For living in a ski town, this truck is perfect, it's all you need. I bought it in Wyoming, and now of course, I live in Oklahoma.

In Oklahoma, my very respectable "pass car," has no clout. It's just a clunker. Over the summer, because White Lightning has no A/C, my parents have been graciously lending me one of their cars. You can't survive in Oklahoma without A/C. Summer is over, and it's time for me to take White Lightning back on the road.

Perhaps because of irresponsibility, or maybe because of my resistance to let go of my Wyoming ties in any respect, I still haven't bought Oklahoma plates for my truck. This week I've got a lot of time coming at the DMV. Not only have I not let go of my cherished Teton County plates, I still don't have an Oklahoma Drivers License. I've been in denial for a long time about living in Oklahoma. But, I'm here, I've been here for almost a year. It's time.

I love my Wyoming drivers license...it took a lot for me to get that, it was symbolic of triumph. It's like proof of a life that I loved. It's got an address and it's got heaps of memories. I feel like if I let it go then it's all over. As silly as it is, I'm a very sentimental person. It seems like I have to let all of it go now, and I'm mourning a big loss all over again. This is the end of a big chapter in the book of my life.

Change is all around me these days. Everything I've known in my comfort zone is speaking closure, and even though I can see lots of new beginnings on my horizon, I'm still sad to let go of something that meant so much to me. My life right now seems to call for constant attitude adjustments. I'm constantly being stretched, one way or another, I'm constantly being challenged to move outside of my comfort zone, and to me this seems scary. I'm still standing on the brink of so many unknowns, and I'm scared to fall. I need to gratefully embrace the mystery, and look at my life as an adventure. (click here for a read about my fear of jumping)

What I NEED is a new car. I don't see that in my path anytime soon. So, I'm going to be grateful for what I've got. I've got a clunky runner, and I'm going to drive it with pride...regardless of my new Oklahoma plates. Oklahoma is not so bad. I think my next post should be about Oklahoma.

*****

"The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more you have to express gratitude for."

*****

In other news: Noah cut his hair this morning. Right on top, smack dab in the middle. See the bald spot?

I Love Drake & Josh!

I love that I have boys. And there are so many reasons why. Tonight, I am thankful for a TV show called Drake & Josh.

Hannah Montana is coming to our city soon. It's been the hottest and hardest ticket to come by. The madness has been a daily news story for almost a month. Every one, and there dog, seems to know who Hannah Montana is, and everyone seems to think that I should know...and care. I know who she is, but only from the news. My boys know who she is, and their collective opinion when asked is, "Ewww, she's a girl."

We've never watched Hannah Montana, but I know that she is a good and fine role model for girls. I am happy that her presence, forced or not, is a positive one for kids.

Jackson would probably sell his Game Cube for tickets to go see Drake & Josh though. He's a huge fan. I've never paid much attention to the show, but tonight I watched it with them. The show is about two step-brothers, they have a pesky little sister who is smarter than both of them. They have parents who discipline them, and the show is written to demonstrate all kinds of moral guidlines. Most importantly, the show is HILARIOUS! I am grateful for quality, and for a show about smartypants brothers who bicker and make mistakes and have consequences.

*****

This is December 1st. In case you forgot what this means, click here! I'll be trying to post daily this month. As I said, this is a challenge to myself, to post gratitude...and nothing but gratitude. I might surprise you with my posts. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I'm going to spend my time leading up to the New Year being thankful in all things. Easier said than done.

I've been receiving some really encourageing feedback about the quotes that I post sometimes. I love quotes. Quotes motivate me. It's because I am a lover of words. I'm going to post quotes in every post this month. So, if you can't appreciate what I'm grateful for that day, you might come just for the quote. Do I seem silly? We'll see. I happen to believe that it's awfully hard to think about the rotten, when I'm purposfully thinking about the good. And, I believe that sowing seeds of gratefulness opens up the doors for blessings to pour into our lives. My kids are going to be away from me on Christmas, it's not going to seem very festive unless I get my head right. Gratitude is how I am going to do that.

"Beautiful as seemed mama's face, it became incomparably more lovely when she smiled, and seemed to enliven everything about her."

- Leo Tolstoy