great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me...

Remember me telling the story some weeks ago about buying 3 purses for 3 girls I work with. I talked about how I knew in my heart that I was supposed to do this, I knew that the nudge in my gut was God asking me to give, which is always more about being obedient than the actual giving itself. The giving feels pretty good too though, hence "it is more blessed to give than to receive". What I didn't touch on in my previous post was the fact that I didn't exactly have the money to be buying handbags. But I've learned that God never forgets, and always repays, and always provides, and often in the most amazing ways.

A few weeks after the deed was done I had pretty much forgotten about it. Until I went to my mailbox and found a letter containing an unexpected check for an amount that EXACTLY equaled the amount which I spent on those girls bags. I was so surprised. I was in that humbling peaceful place of knowing that God makes good on every promise he has made. I knew that I was being led of the Lord when I went shopping that night. I knew it! And now I know without a doubt that being obedient and giving, even when it's a sacrifice, is never a mistake.

God is so good people! He has never failed me, He has never forsaken me, and I can tell you that being in a relationship with our Heavenly Father reaps rewards that no person on earth can duplicate, and nothing on earth can compare to knowing His love and His faithfulness.

I am far, far, far from perfect. I mess up daily. I disobey frequently. But God is unchanging in His love for me. I am saved by grace, I live on mercy, I swim in His presense. Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing He loves me. I wish this for all of you.

"great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me"

running like roaring rolling thunder...makes me batty!

Okay, here's me being a grumpy, gripey neighbor. This is obviously karma returning the favor.

When we lived in Wyoming we lived in a two story house, that was actually two houses, a stacked duplex of sorts, but really two full sized houses on top of each other. We live on top. We had a precious neighbor downstairs, Casey, a 50 something, gray haired, right on lady. She never complained and I often marveled at her tolerance. We aren't loud people, we don't blare the stereo, we don't party. But there are two young boys. Boys make noise, even if you try to keep them quiet. I'm sure Casey heard it all, the running, the jumping, the falling out of bed in the night, the beatings, probably even the the peeing. She was never unkind and remained sweet to my boys. I was grateful, she was saintly.

Now we live downstairs. Upstairs is another single mother, she has one 2ish sized boy. HE RUNS! He never! stops! running!, laps, marathons, RUN RUN RUN. It is so freakin' loud! So obnoxious. I haven't said a word, I understand. Tonight it is 11:00pm and the child above is still sprinting. I wonder why there's no bed time. I wonder why he hasn't slowed the pace since 3:00pm. My kids are in bed at 8:00pm. If not, they pass out on their own around 9:30pm. The mother is a screamer too. I can hear it all. It's alarming. The scamper of 2ish year old feet sounds like blasts of thunder, maybe a stampede of crazed elephants. I can't figure out why the volume is so high. I can't figure out why he won't stop running. It's not for me to figure out, but, COME ON lady up stairs consider my benadryl remedy once and a while. I'm losing my mind with this!

24 hours of freedom...and no motivation

I practically begged my Mom to keep my boys tonight. I started petitioning earlier in the week. I need some alone time.

She readily agreed, I was so happy, I told everyone I know the good news. I began to make plans in my head. The pressure to create 24 hours of perfect alone time is huge. The rare occasion cannot be misspent. What should I do? What do I want to do? What could drag these hours into endless continuance?

I thought maybe I should so something with my friends. I looked at my bank account, and it said no. That's okay though, because it's not really alone time if you are with your girlfriends inhaling strawberry margaritas like they're oxygen. It would be great fun, but the time would ultimately pass too quickly and that would be a buzz kill.

I thought I should go shopping, buy a cute outfit. This is something nearly impossible to do when I have two anti-shopping boys in tow. Again though, my bank account said no.

I decided to watch all the shows that I DVR'ed last week but never got around to watching. I decided I could do that while I catch up on laundry and clean the kitchen. This would certainly be most productive.

However, even this game plan couldn't be carried out. I am a good six hours into my alone time and all I have succeeded in accomplishing is sleeping on the couch. I didn't mean to fall asleep on the couch, the silence of my home and the coolness of my fan lulled me. One minute I had the best intentions, six hours later I wake up in a fog...with laundry still calling my name. And now I have to hustle to get the chores done because I will hate myself if I don't do it, but I also have that power nap gone awry headache which makes me just want to be lethargic for the rest of my alone time.

Plans fall into place for me easier when I have to do things for other people. I suppose the best I can make of my time now is to do the laundry, spot clean the house, and take a long hot bath. We'll see if I can at least make that happen.

Tomorrow the children will return to demolish all of my progress, I will smile and play and hug them and say it's okay.

like you care...

1. Where is your cell phone? good question.

2. Your Vehicle? waiting for some cosmetic reconstruction...long story

3. Your hair? swept out of my face, as usual.

5. Your father? unknown

6. Your favorite thing? hearing people laugh, and a nice long nap

7. Your dream last night? just for future reference, this is a loaded question...okay, um, I'm pretty sure I remember dreaming that my 7 year old was having an eye lift and I was watching. Yea, it creeps me out too.

8. Your favorite drink? diet coke

10. The room you’re in? my bedroom, the leave me alone room

11. Your ex? a musician, a con man, a towering inferno

12. You are? not looking forward to taking care of my sick little 3 year old tonight

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? BETTER

14. Who did you hang out with today? me, and them...the 2 boys who never leave

15. What you’re not? short on words, or Malibu Barbie

16. Muffins? poppy seed with almonds

17. One of your wish list items? lose me in Costa Rica

18. Where is the ______ ? Valium!!

19. The last thing you did? hmm, I think before this I took some Advil

20. What are you wearing? green yoga capri's and a white tee, and noticeably absent bra

21. Your favorite TV show? The Office

22. Your pet(s)? we are a pet free home, there's already enough mouths to feed

23. Your computer? what about it?

24. Your life? never dull, never exactly exciting either. constant!

25. Your mood? which one?

26. Missing? my Granny, the best person God ever created, she delighted in me.

27. What are you thinking about right now? my toe hurts and I don't know why

28. Your Shoes? everywhere but in the closet, or on my feet.

29. Your work? leaves me underpaid!

30. Your summer? is better spent in the Tetons!

31. Your favorite color? mostly green, often purple.

my beef with blogger...

Call me silly. Call me irritated. Call me confused, frustrated, neurotic, and computer illiterate. Also, radiant, hopeful, and inquiring. All of these are fitting today. My creative juices are being strained through a constricting filter that I have no name for. The complexities of this HTML business, if that's what it is, is giving me fits.

I try to be clever with my creativity, which for me includes more than mere word dancing. I must have beauty to behold with my eyes, and I'm selective and picky. My "layout" or "format" is this slippery rope soaked in baby oil, so to speak, which I can't grasp. I am referring specifically to spaces between paragraphs (of all things!). I don't know why some of my postings are posted the way I wrote them, and why some, like my Target homage, was published with no line breaks, despite my numerous attempts to edit, edit, edit, edit, edit!!!! I am so perplexed! I am beside myself! Yes, of course I have more important things going on in my life to concern myself with, yet this has become a whole new monster. If any of you saintly fellow bloggers can give me insight into this dilemma of mine, I would so greatly appreciate it!

Another obstructing ignorance of late, is my want...my need, to have an awesomely cool blog title header, or picture, or banner, or sign. See, I don't even know what it's called. But I want to make mine my own, it is currently ridiculously bland. See the very top of the page? That's what I'm referring to. See "Flailing My Arms" and "mom's are for everyone!" and "Breed 'em and weep". I want to know how they did that. I want, I want, I need, I need! I'm thinking it's a photoshop thing. I don't know? Is there another way?

Why can't the blogspot folks get on the same ship that MySpace is on. My myspace is totally me, I was successful at creating a super cool layout of my very own. www.myspace.com/piperesc I prefer blogging to myspacing, but I feel so stifled. I am stifled. I don't care for that. I am on a voyage to enlightenment, I won't sink, I will swim. Somebody throw me a PFD!

Fun in Target... Bullseye!

Attn: Management of the Target Store in Edmond

I would like to make you aware of the impact your store has on me, the impact Target Stores has on this community as a whole. I feel strongly that there is some sort of tractor beam radiating from your building, compelling my migration to your store each weekend. This driving, over powering force is tangible and I'm quite certain there are others, others who are drawn to this light. While never having considered myself to be a drone, I am convinced that I am unable to resist these compulsions.

I am not complaining, please don't be mistaken, this urge is very much to my liking as it has been years upon years that I have been a cheerful Target enthusiast. I've never asked more of Target than it can offer. I consider it to be a nirvana of sorts, a place to relieve stress, enjoy tranquility, and carelessly spend almost every penny I have.

Might I suggest a way of earning bonuses though? Like a punch card that, if filled, could earn me a free venti mocha frappucino, or a cute pair of earrings. This is only a thought, I will leave the Target masterminds to come up with something. I strongly feel that we Target devotees should be rewarded somehow, our allegiance is, after all, undeniable.

My sons and I were in today, we had a lovely time. Each outing is a new adventure, and today our exploit centered us in the $1.00 section, which I found to be full of surprises. We also found someone's reading glasses, as you can see in the photos attached. We left them where we found them because I'm sure they were not left by mistake, rather offered as a gift, a token of some sweet lady's adoration.

We will be visiting you again next weekend I am sure, and I will be anticipating a reciprocal frappucino to be greeting me upon arrival.

With much cheer and sincerity, we thank you!

like Ma Bell, I've got the ill communication

When we moved into this apartment I decided I should get a land line phone. Mostly because I saw something on TV where a kid dialed 911 and saved a life. And also because I remember watching Judge Judy chew a derelict mother out for not having a phone, and I don't want to be chewed out by Judge Judy. I've used a cell phone alone for about 2 years, but if Jackson can't find it how can he call 911 if I'm, God forbid, drowning in the bathtub? Also because I got the "bundle" package for my Internet, cable, and phone. I was seduced by highly trained Cox salesmen scam artists. Everyone, every single person who calls me calls my cell phone. I knew this.

Truthfully too, I don't like to talk on the phone. And since I'm spilling secrets here, the ringer on my phone is always turned off. Always. I have an extreme adverse reaction to loud ringing noises, or beeping of any kind...to delve into that would get me off track. I have my cell phone set to beep once, very quietly, when I get a call. To those of you reading this, those of you who try to call me, I'm sure I've just cleared somethings up for you. It's nothing personal.

To the point now...
I seem to be paying 30 something dollars a month so I can get calls from telemarketers. I assume it's telemarketers, I don't answer the phone to know, but all I see on my caller I.D. is 800 numbers. Sometimes they leave messages, and I must say, they are getting mighty clever with them in 2007. One guy says "HEY, it's just me, I wanted to tell you some exciting news I just heard, call me at 888-...." Yeah right, "me", don't hold your breath. I'm getting about ten calls a day now, even on Sunday.

Why am I paying for this? It's ridiculous. I don't know how I got on their lists. Can someone tell me how to get on one of those "don't ever call me again" lists?? I have better things to do than avoiding my answering machine.

Dammit! I said dammit.

Given the length of time between my last blog and this you'd think I'd have some happy/interesting or thought provoking bits to share. The sad news, however, is that the unthinkable happened. Nothing of major note to some, but all the same quite embarrassing and disappointing to me.

Usually about once a week we have a pizza for dinner. Little Caesar's, hot-n-ready, $5.00. Good deal, fills us up. Little Caesar's is in a shopping center right by my house, and conveniently on the way home. I always pull up to the curb, leave the car running and run in and run out. It couldn't be easier. The getting it home and in to the house isn't as easy.

As all Mom's with little one's know, with your kids comes also a whole other load of junk. When I pick my boys up from daycare, there's backpacks, endless papers of information and artwork, a few cherished hot wheels and other what-nots. At least I don't have to deal with infant carriers, diaper bags, and strollers anymore, but even still it's always a hand full. So the pizza is just another thing to carry once I finally get the boys out of car seats and out of the car. Lately, I've been instituting child labor to free up my hands so it's at least easier to fumble for the keys to open the door to our apartment. This is a helpful thing. Jackson is very useful, and Noah will carry a few things, but the pizza box is awkward and hot for a little guy to hold, so I always carry it.

This is how it went down on that fateful Tuesday evening. The boys and I are heading for the door with our arms full. I get to the door, and what I usually do is balance the pizza with one end of the box on the door and my stomach pushing the other side of the box into the door, this way I can turn the key, because in the crook of my arm is also holding my purse and anything else. So, I'm balancing the box, but all is not well...suddenly the box slips and drops, turning upside down on the way to the ground, and also somehow opening up, which leaves the pizza, that was hot-n-ready, face down on the porch!! Melty cheese and marinara sauce splattered everywhere.

It was in that tiny instance, that tiny smack of pizza meeting concrete that out of my very-cautious-around-my-kids mouth comes a very exasperated "DAMMIT!"

Horror, horror, horror, shock, and awe from the face of my Jackson. Bewildered and silent, his expression only increases my already mounting remorse and regret.

Sweet little three year old Noah looks at the pizza, looks at me, and says "DAMMIT!"

Pizza lost? Yes.

Innocence lost? Oh Lord, please no!

I can't believe I did that! Yikes Piper, way to go! I guess if I teach my boys nothing else in life they will certainly learn that Mommy is not perfect. That's okay right?

it never ends, it never will ever end...

Luandry.

Mounds piling up each day, never going away. You sort, you spot check, you soak, you wash, you hang some, you dry some, you iron some, you fold and stack some. Everyday, every single day, new additions collect in the basket. The more humans in your home, the more laundry there will be. I'm contemplating leading some kind of revolt. I don't want to do laundry anymore!

When I was alone, I only did the wash when I didn't have any clean underwear left. That was it. I'm no longer a fashionista, by force or by will, I just don't own as many clothes as I used to. I own one pair of jeans. No socks. Oh, how I hate socks. My sons have so many clothes, hand-me-downs, freshies, newbies, what-have-you's. They have so many clothes, this did not happen intentionally though. But, with kids you have to have a selection, you have to be prepared, and especially during the diaper years, the potty training months. With the older one I have come to know that a new pair of jeans will last approximately one to two weeks before acquired holes in the knees. Shirts will be painted on, spilled on. Socks...oh socks...the bane of my existence. So many socks, socks will be lost, socks will never find a match, socks will be found behind the couch when you move, but you will not find a pair of socks together in the same spot, you just won't. Socks for a 7 year old and a 3 year old will look exactly the same in any light, but you must search for the twin relentlessly. I went through a period of time when I boycotted socks, sending my sons in their shoes alone. They don't care. Grandparents, teachers, strangers, people who think you want their opinion do care though. So we went back to socks, I mean who knows, any person could choose to turn me over to authorities for the intentional neglect!!

So I do the laundry. We look, smell, and are clean. This is so important! I jest. I think I could probably happily live in a culture where all anyone wears is a toga, every toga identical. I'm all for creativity, originality, and self expression. But any person worth their salt looks beyond the dressing and sees the person.

See this person! I am over laundry. I am liberated!!

but tomorrow my spin cycle will whirr again, after all, I'm not crazy!

good boy...

Ahhh, the simple things that bring such joy! Playing fetch with your 3 year old who believes he is a dog, for instance, can help you unwind after a long day. Take an orange plastic golf club, throw it down the hall, and watch your good boy scamper across the floor on all fours, retrieving the toy with his teeth. Friday Night Live!

Even if it seems too silly, even if you'd rather not. Take a look at the happy face on your sweet puppy...you'll see.

never alone, except for all the time

How long has it been since I've been kissed? 6 months now.

I only realize that I am feeling lonely when I have time to think about it. I've been thinking about it lately more and more, regardless of time constraints. There is no sense of desperation attached to this, just a sense of longing. Not that I really have room for anything else in my life right now. How could I date when I have so many other priorities? Like, for instance, keeping "it" all together. Keeping my job when I have to miss days with sick kids. Keeping my home when I'm not sure if I will be able to pay rent because I have to get my car repaired again. Keeping groceries in the house. Sleeping, which is something that I have to make time for. A womans work is never done...

okay, how about the single Mom's work, all of it never gets done.

I'm just weary.

I look for joy in everything, I remain positive. I spend my furious hours at work with Joyce Meyer tapes playing at my desk...turned down low so I don't "offend" my coworkers with the Word of God. I strive to be a blessing in peoples lives, including my sons. I try not to complain. I try to be pleasant. I work at being grateful, and being thankful in all things. This is how I get by. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

What would I get out of having a relationship with a man right now? What am I missing. I suppose, in all honesty, it's help and companionship, affection and intimacy. My boys are constant companions, of course it's different. They will give me lots of affection, given their mood. I'm not desperate. I'm not scared of growing old and being alone. It's just that something is missing. A partner in all of it is what I'm lacking. Someone to ask me about my day, and a soft safe place to fall (other than the sofa) at the end of the day.

Don't pitty me, I am tremendously blessed. Besides the obvious ways, there's some small simple pleasures that I have that I wouldn't if I had a mate. For instance, I don't have to share a bed with a snorer anymore. I can use the entire length of the couch as long as I want. I don't have to clean up after another grown up. I can watch anything on TV that I want. I don't have to answer to anyone regarding how and when I spend money. These small things have a high premium to lots of people. These things start fights in relationships.

Okay, okay... this has sounded a bit pitiful. But this is my blog, and if you can't be honest with your blog who can you be honest with.

I'll wake up to race through another day in the morning. I'll be just fine. And I have just reminded myself that "my God shall supply all my needs". This is what I do; I give myself pep talks and snap out of it and all is well.

Goodnight moon.

a purse for me, and you, and you, and you too!

On more than one occasion in my lifetime I have felt like I was supposed to buy a certain thing for a certain someone. I think the Lord gives us our ideas of how to bless others, and the gift we receive in return, the reward that makes the giving better than the receiving is the knowing that 1. you have obeyed the nudge in your gut (the Holy Spirit, our guide), and 2. that you gave something special that made someone feel special. It's like a Christmastime, when you can't wait to have your Mom open that pretty box so you make her open it the same day you bought it...because you can't wait to see the joy you put on her face. I think we've all experienced that feeling, it's a rush isn't it!

Tonight I took my sons to dinner at a restaurant. Across the street from the eating place is a store that I like to shop in, but don't often, and that's mostly because hauling two little boys in and out of anywhere that doesn't have a cart to plop them in can be, and usually is, a BIG chore to be avoided. But as I was pulling out of the parking lot after we ate I felt that gut nudge, I knew I needed to go to that store right then. So we went to the store, for what I didn't know...I was thinking I could use some new shoes.

We perused the establishment, I saw nothing eye catching, nothing we needed...oh well. Yet, I still knew I was there for a reason. So, as I always do given the opportunity, I went to look at purses. I have a thing for purses, a big thing, the way Carrie feels about her Manolo's.
I parked myself in the purse arena, my boys were entertaining themselves very nicely, that alone these days is something special, I should have put 2 and 2 together faster but I didn't. This was obviously a sign that I was were God wanted me to be at that moment...things are never that easy in a store.

So, I relished in the nirvana, and took my time hunting handbags.
The first thing I saw was a yummy black hobo inspired bag, I admired it, tried it on, looked in a mirror. It was good. How much?? The tag alarmed me, only $9.49!! Marked down from much much more. How could this be I questioned...I even think I said something to that effect out loud. I kept looking and saw the same low price on every purse in that rack...what new bliss is this? Next I see a precious little red one, then behind it, the identical bag in a camel brown, and behind the second, another duplicate in white this time. HOLY TOLEDO it's the mother load!!
Then in a flash, as it happens each time God sends you on a mission into the void, at the right moment, my purpose was revealed!

Ginger, Kristi, and Christa are my closest colleagues at work. I enjoy them so much, they are so helpful, friendly, and fun. EUREKA! I am there to buy gifts of love for these three girls!! So, and this is strange for me even thought I am a very cheerful giver, without hesitation I paid for all three of those bags. Ginger will get the white one, I think she likes white. Christa will get the camel one, it's seems to be her style. Kristi will get the red one, I hope she will like it. I am so excited to go to work tomorrow and give them their new purses. What girl doesn't want a new purse? Of course I hope they love them, I hope they smile, I hope they will understand that there is no ulterior motive. I know God told me to buy them those cute little handbags. So, I obeyed, even though I may never know the reasons why. After all, it is a little random to buy another girl you barely know a purse...much less 3 girls.

What I want to convey is that no matter what it is, if you get the nudge, if you know that you know, and even if you're sure no one else will understand, do it! Being a blessing to anyone at anytime in anyway is the best gift you can give yourself. Be thoughtful! Be aware! Be generous! Be bold! Just do it!

ps - I bought a purse for me too :)

persona hunting, along with the eggs...

The boys and I just got home from my family Easter thing. Lot's of food, some laughs, icing conversation, and a huge egg hunt.

I have a big family, the cousins, their kids, and all. Included in to the mix were several new faces...the friends who are family for a day. It's always interesting to see who shows up.

I was sitting, eating in front of a window with a clear view of the front yard and the drive way, I see cars continuing to arrive. In one car I see a thin woman, a profile that isn't clear but is strikingly familiar. I instantly know that I have seen this girl before, today in fact!! She is the girl who's blog I read, who's myspace I've lurked in...what on earth is she doing here?? I retrace the roots of this fate and realize that I came across her blog by looking through another friends myspace.

Jacquie is my cousins wife's sister, she is best friends with Emery... the girl some could say I have been stalking. So, that's how she came to arrive at my family Easter thing. She and her husband and adorable son came with Jacquie.

I'm instantly guarded, very self-aware, nervous, embarrassed. Of course no one knows that I know who she is, or that her blog is a daily digest. Not that it's wrong of me to do, or anything I should be ashamed of, I just sorta felt like a big hack mostly because I love her blog and she seems to be so much cooler than me...would she think I am a jackass if I told her I loved her??

I know better than to compare myself to others, we should each be ourselves and claim our uniqueness with valour.

We should!! I don't.

In some ways I guess I probably do, but, from time to time, on the inside I am an insecure person who thinks if I study what I see as "cool" in others it might rub off on me.

She didn't know me from Adam, I lingered over what to do with this intrigue. I wanted to ask her how she made her blog so freakin' cool, how she learned HTML, how she gets such perfect photos of her toddler. I observed her for a while, and then just decide to balls out go for it...risking idiocy fearlessly at this point.

I walked up to her and said "you're Emery right?" I told her my name, told her I had enjoyed her blog and that was pretty much that.

No alarms sounded. She didn't notice my halo of humiliation. She was cool, cute, and friendly. Just a normal woman (like me) with a husband and a kid. In all this event was no big deal, but I can say that I took some personal insights from the encounter.

This was either about me thinking that someone was way cooler than me, or me thinking that I wasn't nearly as cool as I could be. But who measures cool anyway, and why am I so blasted hard on myself?? Good question.

In this, my 30th year, I am concentrating on being myself, discovering myself...who I am when I am not trying to be like anyone else. And, not only finding myself, but loving myself for who I am and living my life without fear of myself or the opinions of others...even if those others are others who I esteem most highly. I am trying, with a sense of almost defiance, to rid myself of the inclination I have to attempt to be like anyone else at all...I am just going to be me...not today, but someday.

Piper, just as I am. Like it or lump it, I am pretty darn cool myself thank you very much!

And Happy Easter to you too!